The Consequences of Redemption
by CullenLovingMom
Summary: After Jasper’s attack on Bella during her birthday party, he leaves the Cullens. Meanwhile, the Cullens leave Forks. Bella is alone and vulnerable. When Victoria comes for her, Jasper is the only one she can reach for help. JXB AU/OOC
1. Soul Searching

Chapter 1

Jasper's POV

In the past four months, I had traveled all over the U.S. and Canada. I just wandered. I never knew where I would end up or which direction I would take next. I avoided all contact with humans, traveling at night and hiding during the daytime. I was a renegade, running from the guilt that filled my soul.

I called Alice regularly to let her and the rest of my family know that I was okay. I had been the source of too much pain and disappointment to deny them that bit of solace. Each time, Alice would ask when I was coming home. My answer was always the same—I would come home when I knew that I could live up to the Cullen name.

Living up to the Cullen name was a tall order, to be sure. I loved my family. I loved Alice with all my heart. I would do anything for any one of them, including Bella. I just wasn't sure that I was good enough to belong with them. I had long suspected that I was too damaged to ever completely heal or even to heal enough that I wouldn't put my family at risk.

The incident on Bella's birthday was the final straw. I had been struggling harder than usual to keep my thirst under control, but I still didn't understand how I could ever try to hurt Bella. Bella was as pure-hearted and kind as they came. The joy that she brought to Edward and my whole family was unlike anything I had ever seen.

I left that night. I know that my decision to leave crushed Alice, but I needed some time to get myself together and figure out what to do next. I assured her that I would always love her and that my leaving had nothing to do with my feelings for her. She offered to come with me, but I told her that I needed to go alone—at least for a while.

I missed her every day. She was the light in my life, and, without her, all was dark. I knew that I would return to her. I would do whatever it took to be worthy of her. For her, I would conquer my thirst for human blood. I had tried everything I knew to try, but still couldn't manage to overcome the overwhelming pull that human blood had on me.

I had spent every day during the last three months meditating and using positive visualization techniques to will myself to get control over my need for human blood. I was feeding every evening on herbivores in order to stay away from anything that was remotely similar to the taste of human blood.

I couldn't believe that Edward had demanded that the family leave Forks and abandon Bella. How could he do that to Bella? How could he do that to Alice and the rest of the family? Didn't he realize that the rest of us loved Bella too? She was as much a part of the family as any of the rest of us.

A couple of days after I left Forks, Alice had called to tell me about Edward's decision, and we had argued.

"We are leaving tomorrow. Edward won't even allow us to say goodbye to Bella. It just doesn't seem fair, Jazz. How can he expect me to leave my best friend without even saying goodbye?"

"Ali, what do you mean he won't 'allow' you to say goodbye? Tell him to stick it up his ass. What in the world are the rest of you thinking giving into Edward on this? How can you all turn your back on Bella? It will devastate her. How can you leave her unprotected? What about the dangers to her because of her contact with us?"

"I tried to convince him. I presented all of those points and more. He won't budge. How can I or any of us deny him this? He honestly believes this is what is best for Bella. He loves her, Jazz. You know that. He would never do anything to hurt her.

"I have looked into the future and do not see any harm coming to Bella. Edward has asked me not to look any more. I have promised him that I will do as he wishes."

"Why is he doing this?" I asked, astonished that Edward was capable of hurting Bella to this degree.

"Edward, being Edward, is convinced that it is too dangerous for Bella being around us. I don't agree, but I am reluctantly going along. We are all changing our cell phone numbers tomorrow as well. I will call you with the new number as soon as I have it."

"Alice, this is all my fault. If I hadn't…" I stopped, swallowing a sob. "I just can't believe that Edward was doing this in reaction to my attack on Bella. Tell Edward that he doesn't have to do this. I'll stay away. I won't go near her.

"Bella will be safe with the rest of you. Please, Alice, don't let him do this because of me. I will never be able to forgive myself for this."

"It is not your fault. Edward and I have discussed that point at length. He wants you to know that it is not because of you. He doesn't blame you at all. He believes that it was inevitable that our mere existence is a threat to her. He doesn't believe that there is any other way to reduce that risk short of leaving."

"He has taken his brooding too far this time, Alice. Someone needs to stop him." I said, pausing to try to figure out a way to stop the insanity that was descending upon my family. I came up with nothing. "I still think that this is wrong, but I am probably the last person that Bella wants to hear from. You can tell Edward that I won't contact Bella."

"Thanks, Jazz. I'll tell him."

"What about Carlisle and Esme? Surely, they don't think that Edward's plan is a good idea."

"They both tried to talk him out of it. Esme is absolutely crushed at the idea of abandoning one of her children. She stays in her room most of the time, simply staring out the window.

"Carlisle tried to convince Edward that safety measures could be put in place to protect Bella. Edward is hell bent on following through with the move and cutting off all contact with Bella though.

"Carlisle and Esme are afraid of losing Edward if they do not accede to his wishes. They are having to make Sophie's choice—which child will they lose, Bella or Edward." Alice sobbed the last.

It broke my heart to hear her cry. It broke my heart to think of Esme's loss. But I was unable to wrap my mind around Bella's loss. She was losing the love of her life and her family in one fell swoop.

Sitting under a tree in the woods outside of Seattle, I cringed at the memory and realized that I had crushed the small rock I held in my hands into dust. I wondered how Bella was doing. I hoped that she was recovering from the loss, but feared that was impossible. Bella loved Edward and the rest of the family with all of her being. It was impossible to think that she would get over a loss like that.

I got up and began pacing back and forth between two trees, trying to dispel the nervous energy that accompanied the memories. All of it was my fault. My lack of control over my blood lust was ripping my family apart and doing even worse to Bella. Somehow, someway I knew that I had to find a way to make all of this right. I knew that I could never completely undo the damage that I had done, but I needed to find some way to atone for my sins.

_Perhaps, I should go home and talk some sense into Edward. Hell, he is so stubborn once he has made up his mind. I doubt it would do any good. _

_Perhaps, I should go to Forks and check on Bella. No, Bella doesn't want to see me. Plus, I would scare her half to death if I showed up to check on her. Maybe, I could just check on her from afar. _

I was so lost in thought that I didn't hear my phone ring, but heard the tone letting me know that I had voicemail. I looked at my phone and immediately recognized the number as Bella's cell.

I quickly dialed the number to listen to the voicemail, wondering why Bella would be calling me. I listened to the voicemail intently.

"Jasper, thank God your phone is still turned on," Bella said, her voice quivering, the fear obvious. "I need your help. Victoria is coming for me."

Without even forming the conscious thought to do so, I turned and started running for Forks, even before I called her back. I knew that I could be there in about forty minutes. Cursing the fact that it wasn't dark yet and the sun was shining, I realized I would have to waste precious time since I would have to stay off of the roads and avoid people.

I started to push send, but paused, as I remembered Alice's warning the last time we spoke. "Jazz, it is super important that you stay away from Bella. Trust me on this one."

"I'll never bet against you, darlin'. I know better than that." I had added a chuckle at the end in an attempt to lighten her mood. She had seemed intent on warning me.

_Damn, I wish I had pressed her harder about the vision. Will I hurt Bella if I go to her now? _

I dismissed the thought quickly. Bella was in trouble and no one else could get there in time to help her. I had no choice. I had to go. It was a chance that I had to take, because I knew for sure that Victoria would kill her if given the chance.

_Damn Edward!_

I looked at my still open phone and pushed send.

"Hello," I heard her say in a shaky voice, barely above a whisper.

"Bella?"

"Jasper, is that really you? Oh, Jasper, I am so scared. Please help me."

My heart broke at the fear and desperation I head in her voice. I just hoped that I wasn't too late.


	2. Soul Patch

A/N: Many thanks to my wonderful beta, Closettwilighter1. She was very patient with me and spent a lot of time making this chapter better. She is an incredible author in her own right as well. I highly recommend that you check out her story, Angel in the Attic. Here is the link: .net/s/5678024/1/Angel_in_the_Attic

Disclaimer: You know the drill—SM owns all. No copyright infringement intended.

BPOV

The only memories I have of the first few months after Edward told me that he was leaving and left me in the woods were of the nightmares. Every night I would relive the pain of him leaving, and it was always as painful in my dreams as it was when it really happened.

I would wake to the sound of my own voice screaming. At first, the realization would invade my dream that _someone_ was screaming. I always felt an overwhelming need to comfort the person. The sound was one of gut-wrenching pain. Then, as I searched for the person, I would wake up and realize that I was the person screaming.

Slowly, but surely, though, I was getting better. I was no longer curled in a ball during the daytime. I could shower and get dressed. I wouldn't say that I was doing well four months later, but, at least, I was functioning. I went to school. I made dinner for Charlie. I was going through the motions of my life.

Charlie was constantly worried about me, and I felt like crap for that. A few of months ago, he tried to send me to Jacksonville to live with my mom, but I refused to go. At the time, all I could do was hope that Edward would change his mind and come back.

That was then. Recently, I had begun to realize that he was not coming back, and I was pissed.

_How could he do that to me? How could the rest of his family leave? Was everything that they had said to me a lie? Did I mean nothing to them? How else could they just leave?_

Well, I had news for Edward and the rest of the Cullens: I was going to move on with my life without them. I would not spend my life pining for someone who obviously didn't want me. I deserved better.

_Fucking fickle vampires!_

I think I was even more angry with Alice than I was with Edward. Edward was always flipping back and forth between wanting to be with me and wanting to protect me from his vampire-ness. But Alice . . .Alice was my best friend. It was one thing for a guy to stomp all over a girl's heart, but best friends were supposed to be loyal. Alice had failed on that point and, obviously, allowed her pain-in-the-ass brother to persuade her to dump her best friend.

_Who needs those fuckers?!_

I decided that the best way for me to heal was to throw myself into my studies. I planned to work hard, make good grades, and go to college far away from Forks. I hoped that when, or if, the Cullens ever came back to Forks that I would be long gone.

Still, I needed closure. I had gone from crushed and catatonic to pissed and puzzled. I knew what I needed to do.

I went to the Cullens' house one Saturday while Charlie was fishing. It was eerily quiet. The door was unlocked, so I walked in. Dust cloths covered the furniture. It looked like they had been gone for years instead of a few months.

I wandered up to the third floor to Edward's room. His room was not as abandoned looking as the rest of the house. His furniture was left uncovered. A few of his personal belongings were still there, including a few books.

Among them, I found the copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ he bought the last time we went to a bookstore together. He said that he needed it in order to do further investigation into my character since it was my favorite book.

_Hmmph, he would leave that behind. He certainly turned out to be more of a Wickham than a Darcy._

I had thought that I would feel anger standing there in his room, but I didn't. I only felt sadness, sadness for all that could have been but never would, sadness for Edward who would never allow himself to love fully, sadness for his family having to live with his misery for all eternity.

I sank down on the couch and let the tears fall. They were cleansing tears, cathartic tears, not the tears of desperation that I had shed for weeks after Edward left.

I had no idea how long I sat there, but looked up and noticed that the light was fading. I walked slowly down the stairs. I turned the knob to the front door and prepared to leave but jumped with a start when I looked up to see someone standing on the porch, hand in the air about to knock.

It was Laurent.

"Bella, how nice to see you again," he said in a voice that sounded like he was trying a little too hard to sound soothing.

"Laurent. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I was actually hoping to find you. I have information that I think you will find . . . interesting."

"Interesting? Have you seen the Cullens? Because if you have, I wish you would give them a message for me. Tell them that I am doing just fine without them. I am moving on with my life, and I never want to see them again."

"Tsk, tsk, you may want to re-think that last part, dear girl," he said facetiously. "You might decide that you need their help after I tell you my news."

"All right, what is it that you want to tell me?" I asked, still standing in the doorway.

"I just left Manitoba where I ran into Victoria. She wanted me to come to Forks to see if you and the Cullens were still here. It seems that she is still a bit upset over James' death." He paused, putting his hand on this chin thoughtfully. "She plans to kill you to make Edward pay. 'Mate for mate,' she said."

I couldn't help, but laugh at the last. It must have sounded positively maniacal to Laurent for he looked at me with a confused look on his face.

"Mate? If I were his _mate_, would he have left me?" I asked and paused for his answer. When he said nothing, but shook his head ever so slightly, I continued. "I am not Edward's mate. I was more like his human pet. He and his entire family are gone with no plans to return."

Laurent paced to the end of the porch and back before saying, "I will do what I can to keep her away from here for as long as I can. I will tell her that you and the Cullens have gone on a trip somewhere. . . . but, Bella. . . that will not keep her away for long. You must find some help."

"Why did you come to warn me? Why would you help?"

"Look at my eyes, Bella. My time in Alaska with the Denalis profoundly changed me. It is amazing the difference my diet has made. My spirit is lighter. My heart is capable of feeling emotion more deeply. I owe Carlisle for that."

I looked at him more closely. He was telling the truth about his diet. They were a warm butterscotch color. Everything in his demeanor and vocal tone indicated that he was being sincere, but I was still unsure about his motives. I kept myself calm by telling myself that if he had wanted to kill me he would have done so by now. There would be no need to have a conversation first.

"Surely, you can figure out a way to contact the Cullens. Even if they left, I am sure that they don't wish any harm to come to you." He looked at me intently, almost willing me to tell him that I had a solution to the problem at hand.

"I appreciate you warning me, Laurent. Really. I can't thank you enough. I will do all I can to find the Cullens and, as much as it will injure my pride, I will ask for their help. I don't want anyone else to get hurt when Victoria comes for me." I said, amazed that the trembling I felt in my legs had not yet reached my voice.

Saying those last words aloud sent the realization of what I was facing slamming down on me. Fear, like I had never felt, hit me, and I began to shake all over.

Victoria was coming to kill me and would not hesitate to destroy anyone else who happened to be around. Charlie. Angela. Jessica. Hell, I didn't even want her to hurt the annoying Lauren.

I quickly said goodbye to Laurent and drove home as fast as my trusty, old red truck would carry me. I was pleased to find that Charlie hadn't returned from his fishing trip yet. I ran upstairs to my room.

During the months that I had spent nearly catatonic, I had tried repeatedly to call Edward, Alice and Emmett. Their cell phone numbers had been disconnected. I had also tried to send numerous emails to Alice. They had all bounced back.

Desperate times and all that . . .I decided to try again. I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my address book and pushed send when I got to Alice's number. I got the same annoying message saying that the number was no longer in service. It was the same with Edward and Emmett. I tried Carlisle and Esme too. I got the same message.

I was starting to panic and hyperventilate.

Rosalie. Frankly, the woman scared me. I feared that she would hang up on me immediately, but this was an emergency. I was scrolling down to find her name in my address book.

Jasper. The name jumped out at me like it was a flashing neon sign. I hadn't ever tried to call Jasper, because I didn't want to add to his guilt.

I pushed send. It started ringing. It rang three times before clicking over to voice mail. Relief washed over me at the sound of Jasper's voice recorded on the voicemail message.

"Jasper, thank God your phone is still turned on. I need your help. Victoria is coming for me." I closed my phone and tried to catch my breath. I slumped on my bed and stared at the ceiling, praying that Jasper would listen to the message and call me or pass the information on to Alice.

I wondered how Jasper was handling the move. The last time I had seen him was the night of my birthday. I hoped that Edward or Alice had explained to him that I didn't blame him. What happened was not his fault.

_What if they didn't tell him? Would he even listen to my message? What if he thought that I was angry with him? _

My mind was racing. I started down the steps, heading to the kitchen for a glass of water to help calm my nerves, when the phone in my hand rang causing me to jump.

"Hello," I said, trying to sound calm.

"Bella?" His voice sounded like heaven.

"Jasper, is that really you?" I asked bursting into tears. "Oh, Jasper, I am so scared. Please help me."

"Shhh, Bella, it's ok. I'm on my way. I'll call the others. It will take them a while to get there from New York, but I should be able to get there in the next thirty minutes or so."

"No," I blurted out interrupting him, "please don't call the others. Please just come." I am sure that he would not have been able to hear the last without the benefit of his vampire hearing since the words were half-choked in the midst of my teary come-apart.

"Have you seen her? Is she close by?"

"No, I saw Laurent. He is trying to keep her away long enough for me to get help."

"Are you at home?"

"Yes."

"Sit tight. I'll be there in about thirty minutes. We'll talk more about what to do when I get there. And, Bella. . . don't worry, I won't hurt you. I promise."

"I am not worried about you hurting me, Jasper. I don't think that you would have hurt me that day even if Edward and the others hadn't intervened." Even through the abject terror I felt, the thought that Jasper would think that I would be afraid of him saddened me.

"I wish I had your confidence in that. Regardless, I won't hurt you now. I am gonna hang up now so I can run faster. Call me back if anything changes there."

The sound of his voice was calming. I didn't want him to hang up, but I also wanted him get there quickly.

"Okay, thank you, Jasper."

I hung up the phone and sat on my bed with my knees curled against my chest to wait for Jasper.

_Jasper is coming. Everything will be fine when Jasper gets here. You can keep it together until he gets here. He will know what to do._

***********

End Note: Thanks to all of the support for this story. The reviews are wonderful. Thanks as well to those of you who have added me on an alert. I would love to know what it was about the story that made you want to read more.

I am offering a sale: free teaser with every review!


	3. Window to the Soul

_A/N: Thanks so much to closettwilighter1 for putting up with my constant tweaking. She just rolls with it, never complaining. Thanks!_

_Thanks to all of you have sent me such thoughtful reviews. I can't tell you how much I appreciate and enjoy them._

_Disclaimer: SM owns all, except for the twists I have taken with her characters. No copyright infringement is intended._

_Now on with the show…._

Jasper POV

_Shit. This is bad. This is really bad._

I hung up the phone and ran as fast as I could from the other side of Seattle to Forks and went straight to Bella's house. I had never been in her room, but knew from my many conversations with Edward which room belonged to her.

I listened from outside and quickly determined that her father was not at home. I quietly climbed up to her window and tapped lightly on the window, hoping that I wouldn't scare her. It didn't work.

Bella let out a blood curdling scream followed by a loud exhale of pure relief when she saw it was me. I didn't need my special gift to know that she was terrified.

"Oh, thank God, it's you." She said as I climbed through the window. She ran from the bed, threw herself into my arms and began sobbing.

I hugged her close to me and focused on sending her as much calm and peace as I could muster. "Shhh, darlin', it's okay. I am here now. I won't let anything happen to you." I said as I rubbed soothing circles on her back.

In less than a minute, she had calmed enough to speak. She sat up and looked at me, wiping the tears from her cheek.

"Sorry about that. I hope it wasn't hard for you being that close to me. I have never been happier to see anyone. What am I going to do? I don't want to put you or anyone else in danger."

"You mean, 'What are _we_ going to do?' _We _are going to discuss this calmly and come up with a plan. You are not alone anymore, Bella. I won't leave you. I promise."

"Hmmph, you'll forgive me if I am not confident on that point—given everything that has happened recently. I mean your last name is Cullen . . . or Hale or . . . . Well, you get my point."

"Actually, it is Whitlock, but that is a story for another day. Right now, I would like you to tell me exactly what Laurent said."

Bella sat with her back against the headboard of her bed while I sat at the end and told me about her conversation with Laurent.

"Well, I suppose that Laurent's time with the Denali sisters made an impression on him. Otherwise, your meeting with him would have gone quite differently."

"I didn't feel threatened by him at all. He seemed sincere in wanting to warn me. I just don't know if I can trust him to lead Victoria off of my trail or, even if he does, how long that gives us."

The precariousness of the situation hit me hard, anger washing over me. I struggled, but managed to rein it in as I noticed Bella's mood rising as well. "I knew something like this would happen when I heard that they were leaving."

"They obviously didn't care enough to stick around," she said, rising from the bed and looking at the window before turning back to me. "That is why I really don't want to involve them in this, Jasper. If you thought about the danger caused by them leaving, then they must have too." She looked away for a moment, the pain evident on her face.

When she looked back, her expression was controlled. "I don't want to involve them if we don't have to. If you need their help in order to protect us and anyone else who may be around, then I will understand."

Before I could respond, I heard Chief Swan's cruiser pull up. I put my finger to my lips.

"Your dad is home. We'll finish this later."

Bella reached out and squeezed my hand as she nodded. "I better go down and throw some dinner together for him," she said as she walked to the door. She stopped with her hand on the knob and turned to look at me with a hint of terror in her eyes. "Will you stay?"

"I'll be here when you get back, Bella." She nodded again and went downstairs.

I heard her greet her father.

"Sorry I'm so late, Bells. I got a call and had to go to the station. How are you doing today?" The Chief's voice was full of concern, his love for his daughter evident.

"I'm . . . fine, Dad. Did you eat?"

"I grabbed a burger on my way to the station. I am good, but you should eat something."

"I'm going to grab a sandwich and head up to finish some homework."

I heard Bella in the kitchen pulling something out of the refrigerator and getting a glass from the cabinet. Plans for how to best protect Bella ran through my mind, as I weighed the pros and cons of each. I stood from the bed and moved quietly to look out the window.

I had no idea when or how Victoria would attack. I had no idea if she would be alone or have others to help her. The idea that she might have other vampires with her concerned me greatly. I was fairly confident that if she was alone that I could handle her and keep Bella safe. I didn't know if that would be true if I was outnumbered.

I decided that I just couldn't risk Bella's safety. I picked up my phone and called Alice. She answered immediately.

"Jazz, where are you? Why am I seeing visions of you climbing into Bella's window?" she demanded in her annoyed tone of voice. I told you that you needed to stay away from her. What the hell is going on?"

"Well, hello to you too, darlin'," I said quietly, yet sarcastically. "We have a situation here," I added seriously. "Bella called me. Victoria is after her."

"What?! Shit! Why didn't I see . . . .Edward is going to freak. . . .Yes, your plan is a good one, Jazz. We will meet you in Minneapolis."

"I really don't give a damn if Edward freaks," I responded a little too loudly. I hoped that Charlie hadn't heard me and consciously focused on keeping my voice quiet before continuing. "He is one hundred percent responsible for this bullshit. If anything happens to Bella. . . ." I stopped. Losing my temper wouldn't help matters.

"No, Jazz, this is my fault. I should have seen this. I was too focused on . . . other things. You know that we would never have left if we thought that Bella would be in danger. We all love Bella."

"Well, you have a funny way of showing it." Alice inhaled sharply, shocked at the venom in my voice. "We will leave as soon as Charlie is asleep," I said more calmly. "Did you all leave any cars behind? I haven't been to the house yet."

It took a minute for Alice to respond. When she did, her voice was shaky. "Emmett's jeep is still there. Have you fed lately? We don't want any . . . incidents."

My anger flared again. I was about to say something I would regret when Bella opened the door with a sandwich and glass of milk in her hand.

"Emmett's jeep will have to do," I said curtly, ignoring the rest of her comments. "We don't have time to wait for a car dealership to open up in the morning. I have to run and get things ready here. Call me if you see _anything._"

"Will do. Jazz, please tell Bella that I am so sorry."

"We will deal with that later. Right now, we have to take care of business."

I hung up without saying anything more and turned to Bella.

"You called them, didn't you?" she asked, her shoulders slumping as if she had been punched in the gut.

"I had to. I'm sorry, Bella." I crossed the room to stand in front of her, placing both hands on her shoulders and sending her a wave of calm. "I just don't know if I can keep you safe without help."

She looked down at the floor and shook her head slightly and said simply, "I understand."

"We are leaving as soon as Charlie goes to sleep and driving east. We will meet them in the middle, which Alice informs me is in Minneapolis."

"What should I tell Charlie?" she asked, breaking my grasp and moving to sit on the bed.

"The best that I have been able to come up with is for you to write a note saying that you need to get away for a while-- a journey to heal your heart after your breakup with Edward," I said, grabbing a pad of paper and pen off of the desk.

I returned to my spot on the end of the bed, gently placed my hand under her chin and lifted her face so that I could see her eyes. "And from the looks of things and the feelings you are throwing off, that is not too far from the truth. His leaving crushed you, didn't it?"

A flash of determination crossed her face, and she squared her shoulders. "It _nearly_ crushed me."

I had always known that Bella was strong. Hell, she was not afraid of hanging out with a bunch of vampires—even after she was attacked by James. Until that moment though, I had no idea just how strong this woman was.

"Will riding in the car with me all the way to Minneapolis be a problem for you?" she asked, tearing at the crust on her sandwich.

Until she asked that, I hadn't even given the precariousness of the situation a thought. Then again, I realized that I had not even noticed Bella's scent. I had spent the last hour in her room with her scent and felt no burn or even the slightest taste of venom in my mouth.

"No, I don't think it will be. I am handling being in your room just fine. If it becomes a problem, we'll figure something out. Are you comfortable being in a car with me? I would certainly understand if you had misgivings about that."

"I trust you, Jasper. I always have." Her eyes twinkled with sincerity as she spoke. The depth of her conviction made me believe that I was capable of meeting her expectations.

"Well, that makes one member of my family who trusts me," I said, laughing nervously.

"Why aren't you with them, wherever they are?" she asked, staring at the ground.

"I left the night of your birthday. I call Alice regularly, but I haven't talked to anyone else since then."

"Why did you leave, Jasper?" she asked, obviously pained at the idea of my separation from my family. "No one blamed you. They are your family. They need you."

"I left to try and get control of myself," I said, standing and crossing to the desk. "I wanted to be the man that Alice deserves. I wanted to live up to the Cullen name." I said, leaning against the edge, looking directly at her. "Now . . . after this. . . I am not sure I want to be a Cullen at all. If this is how Cullens treat their family members, then I don't know that I want to be associated with the name.

"You are family, Bella. You made us all better. Your spirit added to each of our lives. I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive any of them for leaving you this way."

"Please forgive them," she said, moving to stand in front of me and placing her hands on mine. "For me. I do not want to be responsible for you losing your family or them losing you."

"You are not responsible. They are. All of them."

"I just wasn't enough . . .I wasn't pretty enough or smart enough or interesting enough for them to want to stick around."

I looked at her, stunned for a moment.

"Oh, my dear, sweet Bella," I began, taking a deep breath and pulling her into a hug. "You couldn't be more wrong. You are certainly enough. You are more than enough. I can't believe that _his_ actions have caused you to doubt yourself so. I won't tell you the reasons that Edward left and convinced the others to leave with him. That is his story to tell.

"I will tell you that every single member of my family loves you beyond measure and would do anything for you . . .even Rosalie. She may not show it in a conventional way, but she loves you nonetheless."

"Thanks for telling me that." She pulled back and wiped the stray tears which had rolled down her cheek. "I was really trying to get better and stand on my own--before I ran into Laurent, that is. I was determined that I was not going to let Edward's leaving ruin my life. It was iffy there for a bit, but I was getting better." She looked up at me again with a look of fierce determination firing behind her chocolate brown eyes.

"I came to the conclusion that a life well lived would be the best revenge," she continued. "Now, with Victoria wanting to tear me limb from limb, I just want to kick his ass."

"Atta girl! I'll help you when we get to Minneapolis."

* * *

E/N: Review please! I still have a lot of folks who have this story on alert who have not explained what it is that grabbed them. With all of the stories out there, I am curious what it is that made you want to follow this one.

I have also had so many positive reviews on my take on Laurent. Thanks, guys. I like Laurent as a good guy. Look for him to appear again.

One free teaser with each review!


	4. Soul Train

A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews for the last chapter. You guys are great. I am going to give some shout outs and some story recommendations at the end of the chapter. Y'all really need to check out these stories. They are great!

Thanks so much to my wonderful, conscientious and creative beta, Closettwiligter1. Without her, this story would be a major fail.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but am still looking for my own personal Jasper-delight.

Warning: This story is going to be taking a slight turn (at the end of the chapter and much more in the next chapter) into the adult content area. It is getting a little intense here, folks. I'm just sayin' . . .

BPOV

We left as soon as we heard Charlie start snoring. Jasper threw me and my bag on his back and carried me through the woods to the Cullen home. It was almost too much. It reminded me of the many times that I had traveled that way with Edward.

I didn't need to think about Edward. I needed to focus on getting out of town and away from the people I loved so that they would not become collateral damage in Victoria's vendetta against Edward.

"Are you okay with me being this close?" I asked Jasper a few minutes into my ride.

"Yes, I'm puzzled by the fact that your scent has not bothered me at all," he answered matter-of-factly. "I will need to hunt though before we get on the road."

Fear gripped me as I realized that he would be leaving me alone to hunt. My whole body tensed.

"It's okay, Bella. I won't be gone long."

"Sorry to be such a scaredy cat." I said, burying my heard in Jasper's back to hide my embarrassment.

I breathed in and was hit with the smell of cloves, sweet and spicy. I had always been drawn to Edward's scent and wondered why I had never noticed Jasper's before. It was absolutely intoxicating.

"It is completely understandable. But you are not a scaredy cat. You are the bravest person I know. I have never met another human who could go through what you have been through and still be standing."

I wanted to contradict him, but couldn't. I wasn't sure if that was because of my embarrassment at his praise or the fact that my head was still swirling from his scent.

Before I could figure out the conundrum, we arrived at the house. Jasper went into the garage and drove out Emmet's jeep. He threw my bag in the back.

"Hop in. We'll stop for me to hunt on the other side of river."

Jasper was true to his word. He was gone for exactly eight minutes and fifty-two seconds. He left me with the keys so that I could escape in the jeep if something happened. I spent the eight minutes and fifty-two seconds tapping my fingers on the dash and watching the clock on the console.

"All right. Let's roll, Miss Swan," Jasper said a bit sarcastically, as we changed spots so that he could drive.

Somehow, despite the perilous situation I found myself in, I felt safe with Jasper. I knew that Victoria was out there somewhere plotting my death, but I was calm, and I didn't think that Jasper was using his gift.

I sat staring out the window in the darkness, thinking. I had so many questions that I wanted to ask, but didn't know how to ask them without the conversation turning to Edward. I was not ready to talk about him.

"Why did you leave?" I asked quietly and continued staring blankly out the window.

"I just didn't feel like I belonged any more. I felt like I had let everyone down. I let myself down." He said without any emotion in his voice. After a pause, he continued more emphatically, "I couldn't trust myself not to hurt you or someone else after your birthday. I didn't want to put the family through any more of my shit."

"What about Alice? How could you leave her?" I asked, turning to see his reaction to my question.

"That was the hardest part. Alice has always been there for me. She offered to come with me, but I needed to figure this out alone. I needed to find, deep within, what it was that was making it impossible for me to control my thirst."

He turned to look at me directly. "I couldn't do that with Alice and the others around," he said, pausing as if to consider whether he should continue.

Somehow, I knew what he was thinking and finished his thought for him. "Alice and the others were part of the problem, weren't they?"

A look of immense sadness gripped his face, and his shoulders slumped slightly. "You have always been very perceptive. Yes. They expected me to fail—to need their help. I just needed to get away from their expectations and develop my own."

"What about now?" I asked quickly. I may not want anything to do with the Cullens, but I knew that they must be experiencing a huge sense of loss with Jasper gone, especially Alice. I may be angry with Alice, but I would never wish that pain on her or anyone.

"I honestly don't know, Bella. I have changed. My search for answers changed me--profoundly. I am not sure how that will fit in with the rest of the Cullen package."

"You seem lighter, happier. I think that they will be happy that you're happy."

"I know that, but I don't need them as much. Alice would never admit it, but she likes the fact that I needed her to help me. Without that, I am not sure how. . . ." He stopped mid-sentence, shrugging his shoulders.

I reached over and placed my hand on his shoulder. "It will work out. She loves you. They all do."

"We'll see. First, we have to make sure that we take care of Miss Vicki."

With a sigh, I turned back and stared out the window again. It wasn't long before I fell asleep. I woke to daylight.

"Good morning, sunshine," Jasper said, as he saw my eyes open.

"Good morning." I said, rubbing the stiffness out of my neck.

"I will find us a place to stop. I am sure that you need to stretch your legs and want some breakfast." He said with a grin, almost like he was proud of himself for remembering my human needs. "It is supposed to be cloudy all day, so we should be able to cover a lot of ground without having to stop. I still don't know why Emmett never had the windows tinted in this thing."

"Where are we anyway?" I asked mid-stretch.

"About 30 miles outside of Spokane," he answered, pulling into a gas station with a diner inside. "You go freshen up, and I'll get us some gas."

I stood up and closed the door of the jeep, stretching my back and rubbing my neck. I grabbed my bag from the back seat and went to find the ladies' room. Once inside, I changed clothes, washed my face, brushed my teeth and pulled my hair back in a ponytail. Feeling more human, I returned to the car, but didn't see Jasper.

I was about to push the panic button when I saw him coming out of the gas station with two cups and a bag in his hand.

"Bella, what's wrong? Did you see something?" he asked when he got close enough to see my face.

I exhaled loudly and reached out to place my hand on his arm. "No, no. I'm fine. Just gripped by irrational fear." I said, trying my best to minimize my reaction, then added continued seriously, "Just ignore me. I am a bit jumpy, and I just didn't know where you went."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine. Much better actually since I freshened up a bit." I said, throwing my bag in the back seat.

"I got you some coffee and some tea, since I didn't know which one you liked, and a sausage and egg biscuit," he said, handing me the bag. "It was the only thing that looked remotely edible. Well, edible for you that is. All of it was disgusting to me."

His mood seemed to lighten the more he talked. As I thought about it, I think that was the longest speech that I had ever heard him make. I liked seeing a more relaxed side of Jasper.

"Thanks. It smells good. For the record, I am not much of a coffee person. I'll take the tea please."

A slight breeze blew a few stray strands of hair in my face. I reached to grab the cup with "tea" written in marker on it from his hand, but stopped when I noticed something in his eyes change quickly. He jerked the cups back and opened the door on the passenger side.

"Get in," he snarled, holding the door and standing defensively in front of me.

I didn't think. The tone in his voice sparked me into motion and left no room for my brain to question the direction. I was in my seat with my seatbelt buckled before the shaking began. Jasper was in the driver's seat with the car in gear so fast that I worried that someone had seen him.

"What's going on?" I asked, trying, but not succeeding, to keep the panic out of my voice.

"I smelled a vampire. It was not anyone I have ever come across before, but I am not taking any chances that he or she might be working with Vicki." As he spoke, his facial expression never changed, and his gaze never left the road. His hands clenched on the steering wheel until I worried that it might crumble to dust in his grasp.

"Who . . . how?" I stuttered, shaking so hard that my teeth were clacking.

Before he could answer, his phone rang.

"Alice . . . what the hell is going on?" he demanded harshly. He listened for what seemed like an eternity, then said, "I don't like this one bit. Okay. Get there as quickly as you can. I will try to make it as far as I can, but I am gonna be looking for a good defensive spot along the way." His voice had settled into a business-like tone by the time he uttered the last.

"Right. Call me if you see anything new. And . . . Alice, please look hard. We are in no position to fight them off here."

He hung up the phone and snuck a quick glance at me. I was looking at him, trying to take it all in, but was confused and had no idea what was going on.

Jasper took pity on me and filled in the blanks. "Bella, I need you to stay calm," he said, throwing a much needed wave of calm my way. "The vampire I smelled back at the gas station was working with dear Vicki," he said, spitting her name out like it left a bad taste in his mouth. "He is a relatively new vampire. She created him and who knows how many others to help her get to you.

"Alice thinks that he was just scouting." He paused to look at me, checking to see how the news was hitting me.

"_Thinks_—she _thinks_ he is scouting?" I said, almost hysterical.

"Breathe, Bella," Jasper said, sending me another wave of calm.

"Thanks," I said, catching my breath.

"They are following us on foot, just out of sight. We are going to stay on the road and cover as much ground as possible. Alice believes that they won't attack. They're just supposed to keep tabs on us until Victoria can get here."

I nodded, unable to form a coherent thought.

"If they attack, I will hold them off, and you take the jeep and drive east," he said pointedly. "This is important, Bella. You do not, under any circumstances, look back. You keep going. I will be fine, but only if I know that you are going to follow the plan. If not, I will be distracted worrying about you."

I nodded again.

"I need you to promise me that you will do as I ask."

"I promise," I said, my voice hiccupping.

As soon as I completed the last word, Jasper's phone rang. I gasped.

"Alice, what do you see?" he asked calmly.

I couldn't hear Alice's side of the conversation, and all Jasper was saying was "uh-huh" with a different inflection each time. The suspense was palpable. My fear returned briefly, then I felt another wave of calm from Jasper.

"Gotta go—call you when I can," he said, hanging up the phone and stepping on the gas.

"Victoria is here. They are going to try to attack from the trees and jump on the car. Here is what we are going to do. . . ." He grabbed my hand and squeezed gently. "You can do this, Bella. Believe in yourself."

I stared at him blankly. I was so sorry that I had put him in danger. _When will it stop? When will I quit putting the people I love in danger? _"Okay, what do I need to do?"

"I am going to jump out of the car and try to catch them on foot before they pounce on the car. You move over to the driver's seat and drive as fast as you can and run over anything or anybody who gets in your way."

"But. . .you . . ." I stuttered, shaking my head.

"I'll be fine, Bella. I am the most experienced fighter in the family. Probably one of the most experienced fighters anywhere. I can take care of myself as long as I am not trying to make sure that you are not doing anything stupid." He said, raising an eyebrow.

"I promise--no stunts like I pulled in Phoenix," I said with more resolve than I felt. "Don't worry about me. Just take care of yourself."

"Alright, scoot over here and take the wheel. As soon as I am out, slide over and hit the gas."

I nodded and slid over on the seat as close to him as I could. The sweet, spicy smell of cloves hit me and added to my determination not to let Jasper down. He was putting himself at risk to save me. The least I could do was stay calm and follow the plan.

He gave my hand a final squeeze and opened the door. As he jumped out the door, I moved into the driver's seat. My foot got stuck on the floor mat as I made the transition.

_Damn, why do I have to be a klutz today?_

As I was trying to untangle my foot so that I could use it to stomp on the gas, I heard a loud thud at the same time that I felt the jeep shake and saw a dent in the roof.

I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound came out.

************

E/N:

Thanks so much to Ferla and Feral and Readingmama/Vampiremama for all their support over at the FanficAholics Anon-Where Obsession Never Sleeps group on Facebook. Come by and join us there.

We also have a C2 with all of the members' works for that group. Check out the link for that on my profile page.

Also, check out Closettwilighter1's story Angel in the Attic. It rocks. You can find it in my faves.

Please review!


	5. I've Got a Soul, But I'm Not a Soldier

A/N: Thanks once again to the beta extraordinaire, Closettwilighter1. I personally think that she needs to come out of the closet and share her light with the rest of us. She rocks!.

I would apologize for the cliffie at the end of the last chapter, but I can't. I love writing them. In fact, you will see more of them very soon. Hint, hint.

Thanks to all of you who have reviewed so far. Keep 'em coming. I love them.

JPOV

I jumped out of the jeep and immediately felt something hard land on my back. In the time that it would take a human to blink, I surveyed the situation and saw that I had two newborns in addition to the one on my back to deal with and there were two other vampires on the roof of the jeep, one of whom had flaming red hair.

_I'll see that hair flaming, all right, before the day is out._

I also quickly ascertained that there were no humans around. _Good. _I knew that I could handle the three attacking me, but it would take some time. I had no idea what damage Vicki would manage to inflict upon Bella in the meantime.

All of my experience and training kicked in. Everything appeared to happen in slow motion as I shifted into battle-mode. It was like an out-of-body experience. I was a spectator rather than a participant.

With no time to think, I acted on instinct alone. I dislodged the one on my back and sent him flying into a nearby tree, cracking the thick trunk and impaling his torso on one of the limbs. The other two closed in. One was a dark-haired male, the other a blonde female. I let them get closer still, then, as they lunged, I jumped over their heads and landed behind them.

Before they could turn around, I reached around their necks with one hand on each and removed their heads in one stroke. I tossed the dislocated pieces as far away as I could. I needed to buy some time to disperse with the other newborn, the one who had been on my back with long brown hair. He charged at me. I dodged at the last minute by stepping to the side.

As he pushed by me, I grabbed a handful of his hair and swung him over my head and down to the ground with a crash. With my foot on his back, his hair still in my hand, I removed his head with a stomp and a tug.

I needed to build a fire and burn the bodies, or they would pull themselves together and heal. Then, I would have to deal with them all over again. But I had no time for fire building. I was turning to run in the direction of Bella and Victoria when a movement in the brush behind us caught my attention.

I dropped into a defensive crouch, then heard, "Jasper, it's okay. It's me, Laurent. I tried to find you sooner to warn you. I held her off as long as I could." He held his hands up with his palms out to show me that he meant no harm and kept talking quickly. "I didn't know how to reach you. When I went by the house in Forks, no one was there. Where's Bella? I followed her scent here."

"Victoria's got her. I've got to go." I said, turning to run before the last was out of my mouth.

"You go," he hollered at my back. "I'll burn this mess, then catch up with you."

I was leery of Laurent. I had no idea if I could trust him, but at that moment, I didn't have time to think about it. I needed the help. I had to get to Bella before Victoria could do any damage.

I ran as fast as I could and willed my legs to find some way to move even faster. I couldn't see them, but I could smell them. Victoria had someone with her, and I didn't smell any blood. That was a good sign.

Their scent was headed off road and into the woods. I changed my course to intercept them from the side, instead of following the road. I focused all of my senses on trying to take in even the minutest pieces of information I could gain. A few seconds into my run, I could hear the jeep. They were not far.

I slowed a little and positioned myself down wind, trying to keep Victoria from hearing or smelling my approach. Luckily, the area was wooded with lots of game to help disguise the sound of my footsteps. I listened for other sounds, but heard none. They were heading northeast. I moved further north, keeping my distance from them. If I could get around to the north, I could hit them head on.

The jeep stopped, and I could hear Victoria telling Bella to get out of the car.

"Get out, you little bitch. Move over there by the tree."

I moved around, but got no closer. I needed the element of surprise on my side.

"Just go ahead and get it over with, Victoria," I heard Bella say with only the slightest hitch in her voice. "Edward is not coming, so you might as well go ahead and kill me now. He left me months ago. He is not going to be bothered in the least if you kill me."

I was close enough to move in quickly. I needed to come up with a distraction to allow me to get in, grab Bella and get out.

I heard Vicki snort in disgust. "Well, if he won't care if I kill you, then I will have to figure out another way for us to have a little fun. What do you think, Riley? Is there something we can do with this little whore of a human?"

Panic flooded through me. I had expected Victoria to attempt to torture Bella. I had not expected anything like rape, but that was what it sounded like she intended.

The wheels in my mind began turning faster. I moved in closer and, as quietly as I could, dislodged a large rock, almost, but not quite a boulder. I was close enough that I could hear Bella's increased heart rate and respiration.

"Well, I don't know," I heard Victoria's partner in crime, Riley, say. "She does look like a good little whore. Kind of pretty even, for a human. How did you want to share her? The usual . . . you take the front, and I'll ram her from the rear."

I heard Bella gasp at the last of Riley's words. "No, don't. Don't touch me." Bella said, trying to sound like she was scolding an errant child.

I moved in even closer so that I could see where Bella was. She was standing with her back pressed into a tall oak tree.

Riley was standing in front of her with his feet on either side of hers. He had a strand of her hair between two fingers on his right hand while the knuckles of left brushed back and forth across her jaw. He leered at her as his hand moved down her neck, brushed her collar bone and ended with his palm squeezing her right breast.

I couldn't wait any longer. I had to move. I couldn't stand the thought of him touching her for one more second.

I lobbed the rock over her head so that it landed with a loud crash on the hood of the jeep, doing enough damage that no one would be escaping in the vehicle. When Victoria and Riley turned to see where the noise had come from, Bella ran into the woods, and I ran to cut off Victoria before she could get to her.

Victoria lunged at Bella who had only been able to travel a few feet before she tripped over a root. She tackled Bella at full speed, and I heard bones crunch as they both hit the ground. I dove toward them both and managed to angle myself so that I only hit Victoria.

As soon as I knocked Victoria off of Bella, I was hit with the smell of fresh blood. I shook my head slightly and reminded myself that it was not just any blood—it was Bella's blood. That millisecond of distraction allowed Riley to grab me from behind and throw me on the ground beside the jeep.

Victoria and Riley then swarmed on Bella's broken body. A fierce growl erupted from deep inside me and came out sounding distinctly like, "Mine!"

I sped back to Bella, but, before I could get to her, I saw Victoria sink her teeth into her arm. I jumped on Victoria again and managed to disengage her from Bella. Riley stood there stunned, mesmerized by the blood that appeared to flowing from a cut somewhere on Bella's head.

I was watching him as I grabbed Victoria by the throat and lifted her over my head, ready to change positions, if needed, to protect Bella. I was so intent that I didn't notice Laurent's approach from the south. Neither did Riley.

Laurent hit Riley from behind as he made the slightest move towards Bella. As he did, Victoria hit my arm hard enough to wriggle free. She ran to the east. My instincts had me following her for half of a second.

I remembered that Bella needed help. I turned around to see Laurent pin Riley to the ground with his knee, both hands in his hair. With a quick snap, Riley's head was separated from his body.

I slowed when I got close to Bella. She appeared unconscious. I held my breath and moved closer. I had no idea if I would be able to render the aid she so desperately needed without killing her. The smell of her blood was strong despite the breeze that was wafting it to the north.

"Bella?" I croaked out as I kneeled down, flames scorching my throat. I could tell that her left leg was broken from the disfigured position it was lying in. There was blood, but not too much. It was pooling at the base of the neck from a cut on the back of her head.

Her heart beat was strong, but her breathing was labored.

"Jasper," Laurent interrupted. "I'm gonna take this trash to the fire." He paused and covered his nose and mouth with both hands. "I can't take the smell. It's too much. I…."

"It's alright, man. Just take care of him for me. And thank you."

He grabbed the pieces of Riley, turned and ran without another word or a backward glance.

I returned to my inspection of the damage done to Bella. I placed my hands gently on either side of her rib cage. It felt like she had four broken ribs. Next, I lifted one eyelid. Her pupils were dilated, indicating a head injury.

Next, I gently lifted the arm Victoria had bitten to my nose. I could smell the venom. The arm, too, was broken.

Bella stirred, wincing in pain and tried to move her legs.

"No, darlin', don't move. You're in pretty bad shape." I gently placed my hand on her upper thigh to stave off any further movement.

She opened her eyes and looked straight into my soul with fear like I had never seen before. This brave woman, who had stood up to rogue vampires, was terrified.

"It's okay, Bella. I'm here. Victoria is gone."

"No, no, nooooo," she screamed. "I'm burning. Please stop it," she said, her words thick and slurred. "Get it out. Noooooo, I don't want to be like you. Jasper, please help me."

"I don't know if I can, Bella. The venom has spread through most of your arm. Plus, if I start to suck it out, I might not be able to stop."

"No, do it, Jasper. I'd rather be dead than be like you."

I knew I had no time to lose if I was going to be able to suck the venom out. I latched on at the same point Victoria had used to inject the venom. I immediately felt the warm gush of her sweet blood hit the back of my throat.

_More! Don't stop. Oh, God, this is manna from heaven. Sweet, so refreshing!_

I shook my head to dispel the demon within but my lips would not release their hold on her flesh.

_Bella, this is Bella! She needs your help. Focus, Jasper! Is the venom clear?_

It wasn't, but it was faint, barely present at all. A few more tugs on the vein and it was clean.

_Okay, the venom is gone. Stop! Stop now!_

The demon roared his ugly head and laughed as I continued to drink.

E/N: **ducks** I know, I know. The part where she says that she doesn't want to be like him. What is up with that? I thought she wanted to be a vampire. Hmmmmmmm….. What do you think?


	6. Soul Survivor

**A/N Thanks again to my wonderful beta****, closettwilighter1. She rocks. Her story, Angel in the Attic, is really great. You can find it in my favorites.**

**A humongous thanks to all of you have read and reviewed. You make my day each time I get a review. I hope you are enjoying the teasers. Please tell all of your fanfic buds about the story. Tell them to let me know that you sent them. **

**Disclaimer: As you know, I am not SM. Now S and M is another story…. lol**

Chapter 6

BPOV

The last thing I remembered was the burning. The pain was so great I didn't think I could endure it. By some blessing, I drifted into oblivion, floating in an abyss of nothingness. How long I was there I didn't know. Part of me wanted to stay there forever.

Just as I would start to settle into the warmth and comfort of that oblivion, something would tug on the string attached to my soul, as if to say, "No, I won't let you go. Come back."

_But I don't want to go back. It hurts too much. I want to stay here._

Another pull on the string was followed by a vision of Charlie and Renee crumpled together over a cemetery plot. Still, I didn't want to leave the bliss I felt. More visions floated by, each playing on its own video screen.

I saw the Cullens, Edward bent over, head between his knees and Alice with her hand on his shoulder, leaning down pressing her cheek against his.

Rosalie had Emmett wrapped tightly in her arms, his head on her shoulder, her hands stroking his hair.

Carlisle and Esme were huddled together with pained looks on their faces.

I did not see Jasper in any of the images. Even in my state of nothingness, I became concerned. I needed to find Jasper.

_Jasper, where are you?_

I tried to claw my way through the fog of oblivion. I struggled mightily, but couldn't make it to the top of the abyss. The harder I struggled, the less progress I made. It was getting harder and harder to breathe.

Then off in the distance, I heard a faint sound that helped pull me out.

"Bella," the voice called, so distant it was muffled sounding.

I tried to move toward the voice. The oblivion didn't want to let me go. The voice called my name again more clearly. I pushed on using all the strength I could muster. It felt like I was wading through quicksand.

"Bella, darlin' . . . please . . . please," the voice called, sounding more desperate with each syllable.

Light crept into the corners of my eyes. With it came blinding pain. I almost retreated to the comfort of nothingness. I paused for a moment, weighing my options.

"God, what have I done? Bella, honey, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Please don't go." The voice sounded so sad.

_Don't cry. Please don't cry. I'll face the pain and come back. I'm here._

I turned my eyes back to the light and the pain. I let the pain wash over me. I welcomed it. I am not sure how long it took for me to adjust to the sensation of the pain, but finally I could breathe again.

I opened my eyes and closed them just as quickly, the light blinding me.

"Bella? Please open your eyes again for me, honey."

_Jasper. He is the voice. He's the one who was so sad. Why is he so sad?_

I opened my eyes again, more slowly this time. I blinked them trying to get them to focus. When I did, I saw him leaning over me. His eyes were pinched in concern. Jasper was usually so calm, even when everyone around him was losing it.

I opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong, but it was so dry that the bottom stuck to the top. I wasn't sure I could make any sound. My throat was scorched.

"Bella," he said, this time his voice washed in relief. "Thank God!"

"What . . . where . . ." I croaked, trying to lift my head.

"Shhh, don't try to speak. Carlisle is on his way. He'll be here in a few minutes. He'll patch you up."

I looked from side to side, moving only my eyes. I could see that I was still lying on the ground in the woods where Victoria had taken me. Questions flooded my brain, causing my head to throb even more. I felt something wet and sticky on the back of my head and smelled the rusty, salty smell of blood.

_Where's Victoria? Where's Riley? Had he gotten all the venom out? How was he able to sit here with me? How was he able to stop when he was sucking out the venom? _

I would have to wait to get the answers to those questions. I felt cold pressure tighten on my arm and remembered that that had been the source of the burning. I couldn't see my leg, but it hurt.

"You scared the shit out of me," he said, his voice cracking a bit in relief. He released his hold on my arm. "There, I think it has stopped bleeding." He reached up and pushed a stay hair out of my eyes. "Just rest . . .but stay with me."

I blinked instead of nodding. I hoped that he would understand that I was trying. I looked at his eyes more closely and noticed that they were a deep amber.

"Victoria got away. Riley is dead. Laurent came and took care of him." He said, as if he had read my thoughts. "I think that I got all of the venom out, but I took more than I should have.

"I almost couldn't stop, Bella. I almost . . . killed you." He dropped his eyes and hung his head.

When he looked up again, I shook my head ever so slightly, but it still hurt like hell. I wanted him to know that it was okay. I knew that he had done his best not to take any more blood than was necessary and that it was amazing that he had succeeded in not killing me.

Jasper turned quickly and yelled, "Carlisle, we're here!" He stood up and took a step away from me. I tried to see where he had gone, but could only see his feet. Another set of feet joined him.

"Edward," I heard him say calmly, but panic hit me. "You need to step away, brother. She is in no shape to deal with seeing you right now."

"Jasper! Move out of the way!" I heard Edward say through clenched teeth. A low growl escaped as well.

I saw Carlisle's face before either one could say more. He looked at me briefly, then turned to where Jasper and Edward were standing.

"Both of you need to calm down--you're upsetting Bella," Carlisle commanded. "She does not need this right now. Edward, do as your brother says. Go to the road and help direct Alice and Esme to where we are. Bella will need to lie in the back of the Mercedes when we are ready to get her out of here."

No one moved or said anything for a couple of seconds, so Carlisle added, "Go!"

"I won't be far, Bella," Edward said. I heard him move away in the direction of the road. He stopped and turned back to us. "Jasper, don't you dare touch one hair on her head, or so help me . . ." He didn't finish the threat.

"That's enough, Edward. We owe Jasper our thanks. He kept Bella alive, and, from the looks of it, she is going to be fine. Now go." He then turned back to me and looked at Jasper. "Son, please tell me what you know."

Jasper stiffened slightly at the endearment, but returned to kneel once again at my side.

"She has a nasty bump on the head with a gash to go along with it," Jasper said, joining Carlisle in kneeling at my side. "I didn't move her head to see how deep it is." He reached down and gave my shoulder a soft squeeze.

"Her left leg and four ribs are broken," he continued. "And she . . . um. . .has . . . lost a lot of blood." He stuttered the last.

"It's okay, Jasper. You did just fine, son. I am proud of you." He reached up and put his hand on Jasper's shoulder. "She is going to make it. She does need a transfusion though. I need to get her to a hospital."

"No," I mouthed since I couldn't make any sound come out. "No."

"Bella, you need to go to a hospital," Jasper said, looking directly into my eyes, anger flashing. "Please, darlin', don't be stubborn about this."

He looked frantic. I wanted to let him know that I would be fine. I just needed some rest. Before I could figure out how to communicate this to him, Carlisle interrupted.

"I might be able to manage you at home," Carlisle said, stroking his chin as if he was thinking out loud. "Let me check. If I can get some blood delivered, then it might work."

Carlisle turned away, stood up and pulled out his cell phone. Jasper moved closer to my head and stroked my hair.

"I know you're hurtin' bad," he said, concern pouring from his eyes. "I am doing the best I can to help with that."

I blinked again.

"If Carlisle says you need to be in the hospital . . . you're going," he added, as an afterthought. "I don't want you hurtin' any more than you have to. I am sorry, Bella. I am sorry that you got hurt. I am sorry that I almost. . . ." He stopped, his voice cracking.

I blinked again, willing him to see in my eyes what I wanted to say. _Stop. I don't blame you. You saved me. You stopped. Somehow, you managed to stop._

Carlisle returned and said, "I've arranged to have blood delivered. Alice has found us a place to stay about ten minutes from here. We'll take you there, Bella.

"I am going to give you a shot with a strong pain killer. It will knock you out for the trip. Before I do, do you want me tell Charlie where you are and let him know about your injuries?" He touched my shoulder, waiting for my answer.

I didn't want to worry Charlie anymore than he already was. I mouthed "no".

"Okay, we'll talk about that again when you wake up—that and so much more." He stopped and put his hand gently on my arm. "Bella, I am glad that you're going to be all right. I am sorry for everything.

"We will talk about it more when you are stronger. For now, you need rest. I am going to prepare the shot," he said, turning and rummaging through his bag.

"Sleep well, sweet Bella," Jasper said, pressing his lips gently to my forehead.

Despite the coldness of his lips, warmth and comfort washed over me. I felt a slight sting and drifted off to sleep thinking about the warmth that enveloped me.

The last thing I heard was Jasper's voice full of desperation as he asked, "Are you sure she is going to be okay?"

I opened my eyes and was blinded by sunlight streaming into the room from the window next to my bed. I blinked and tried to focus. I turned my head to shield my eyes from the light. I winced and groaned at the pain that the movement caused.

I saw blonde hair and smiled. Jasper was sitting next to my bed. His elbows were on his knees with his face in his hands, looking at the floor. He looked up and grinned at me.

"Well, good morning," he said, his voice bursting with joy.

"Hi," I croaked, my throat still a bit scratchy.

He scooted closer and grabbed my hand. "You gave me quite a scare, darlin'," he remarked in a light and gentle tone.

Before I could respond, there was a gentle knock at the door. "May I come in?" I heard Carlisle ask as the door swung open slowly.

I nodded slowly and gave Jasper's hand a gentle squeeze. He turned to look at me with one eyebrow raised, questioning if I was okay with Carlisle being there. I nodded slowly and squeezed his hand again. He brushed his thumb across the back of my hand.

"I'll let Carlisle take a look at you, but I'll be back . . . if that's okay with you," he said standing and releasing my hand. I nodded in response. "Do you want me to send anyone else in?"

"Not yet," I said, my voice still hoarse, but stronger than it had been.

"Okay, darlin', take your time," he said with a nod to let me know that he understood. "Just know that everyone here is anxious to see you and apologize." He turned and left the room so that Carlisle could examine me.

"How are you feeling, Bella?" Carlisle asked, the concern obvious in his voice.

I was once again amazed at this man's ability to care so deeply for his patients—for all humanity for that matter.

"I've been better," I said, hoping to lighten the mood a little.

"I can see that," he responded in kind.

He quickly checked my vital signs and the cast on my leg. He then gently placed his cold hand on my ribs. To make sure that they hadn't shifted in my sleep, he said. The cold felt good.

After he finished his examination and declared that I was on the road to recovery, Carlisle sat in the chair next to me.

"Now, Bella, I would like to say something. I hope that you will hear me out, but I wouldn't blame you if you told me to go to the Devil."

I shook my head to let him know that I didn't want that. "I was angry with you and everyone else in your family, Carlisle, but I would never wish that for you or any of them."

"You are too kind, Bella. What we did to you was unforgivable. You trusted us, and we betrayed that trust." He paused, as if choosing his words carefully.

I nodded in agreement. "Yes, you did. Your departure without a word hurt me. I won't minimize that. But, Carlisle, I know that you were not the one who wanted to leave. You were put in a terrible position of having to choose between leaving me or having Edward leave you."

He nodded, not in agreement, but for me to continue with my assessment of the situation. "I can't blame you for the choice that you made. He is your son. You love him with everything that you are."

I paused, waiting for him to look into my eyes. When he did, I continued, "I do, however, blame Edward for asking you to do it in the first place. I blame him and only him."

"I hope, in time, that you will be able to forgive him, Bella. I am not asking that of you now. I know that the others would also like the opportunity to make their apologies as well."

I thought about that for a moment and decided that there were members of the Cullen family that I wanted to see; whose company I wouldn't mind and who could help me take my mind off of the pain and the fact that Victoria was still out there somewhere.

"I actually want to see a couple of them, Carlisle. I do have a few conditions." I said, with a new found strength in my voice.

"What are those conditions?" he asked, looking perplexed at my new assertiveness.

"I get to choose who I see, when I see them and for how long."

"I think that is absolutely reasonable, under the circumstances," he responded, sounding relieved that those were the only conditions I had.

"Of course, Jasper is welcome here anytime. I would also like to see Esme and Emmett."

Carlisle cocked his head to the side and asked, "What about Alice?"

"I am not ready to deal with Alice just yet," I said dryly and jutted my chin out to let him know that my mind was made up.

**E/N: I wonder what will happen when Bella does "deal" with Alice. That won't be in the next chapter. Next up is Jasper "dealing" with the Cullens.**

**If you aren't read Gloaming by readingmama/vampiremama you need to be. Here is a link: ****.net/s/5702357/1/Gloaming**

**While you are there, check out some of her other stuff. I highly recommend Sinful Thoughts and The Affair as well as any of her one-shots.**


	7. Soul Contention

**A/N Wow, just wow . . . your reviews are so thoughtful. I must have the best group of readers ever. How'd I get so lucky?**

**A million and one thanks to Closettwilighter1 for holding my hand through this one. I hope you all like it.**

**Please read the End Notes for some important information and a recommendation of a great story that you all need to check out.**

JPOV

Watching her sleep so peacefully, despite everything that had happened to her in the last twenty-four hours, made the feelings of warmth that she raised in my cold, dead heart grow. She truly was an amazing woman—and she was a woman. She was more girl than woman in September, but somehow the butterfly had escaped its chrysalis in the interim.

It had been more than twelve hours since Carlisle had given her the shot to manage her pain and help her rest so that she could heal. As soon as she was out, Carlisle had gone to find a blanket to use as a sling to carry her to the SUV which would be used to transport her to the house Alice had found. He wanted the sling to minimize the jostling of her broken bones.

He came back alone with the blankets.

"I take it from your earlier conversation with Edward that Bella is none too happy at the thought of seeing him," Carlisle said matter-of-factly.

"Can you blame her?" I asked a little too harshly, as we worked slowly and carefully to slide the blanket underneath her eerily limp body. I opened my mouth to say more, but quickly closed it. This was not the time to get into it. We needed to get Bella out of there.

"No, I guess not," he said as he finished tucking another of the blankets around her.

"She didn't want me to contact any of you. She is understandably angry with everyone for deserting her, not because of the danger that it put her in, but because of the emotional betrayal the family's departure created."

Carlisle merely nodded his head in understanding.

"Is she really going to be okay, Carlisle?" I asked, pleading with him to tell me the truth. "She is so pale. She's lost so much blood." My voice broke as I finished the last statement. Before Carlisle could answer, I added, "Oh, God, this is all my fault. All of it. I almost didn't stop . . . ."

"What if you hadn't been here would be the better question, son?" Carlisle interrupted my self-loathing rant, looking me in the eye, daring me to disagree with his logic.

By the time we got Bella to the car, Alice and Edward had worn a path in the grass from their pacing. Edward looked like he could literally crawl out of his skin. I had little sympathy for him.

Alice was a nervous wreck. She was in my arms before we closed the door, having settled Bella in the back of Carlisle's SUV with plenty of room to spare.

"Jazz, are you okay? I was so scared." Alice said, burying her face in my neck.

I immediately stiffened. I couldn't think about Alice just then. My only concern was making sure that Bella was okay. I was puzzled by my reaction. Yes, I was angry with Alice, but I didn't understand why I had such an involuntary reaction to her touch.

"I'm fine, but we need to get Bella settled," I said curtly.

"Of course, dear, there will be time to catch up later," Esme chimed in. "Rosalie and Emmett went on ahead to get things ready at the new house for Bella. They will have a room ready for her when we get there."

I nodded to Esme and put Alice gently back on the ground, giving her a gentle squeeze. I felt waves of bitter anger rolling off of Edward and looked up to see his eyes boring into me.

I shook my head and thought, _Not now. We need to get her to a bed, and she needs a transfusion._

He grudgingly, almost imperceptibly, nodded his head and walked to the passenger side of Alice's car. I got into the back seat of the SUV, wanting to stay close to Bella.

Once Bella was safely tucked in bed and Carlisle had given her two pints of blood, I settled into the chair next to her bed and waited for her to wake up. Esme came in periodically.

"Jasper, dear, why don't you go downstairs and talk to the others. I am afraid that if you don't, Edward will wear a hole in the floor. I will sit with Bella."

"I can't do that, Esme. Bella doesn't want to see you either,"I said more sharply than I had intended. I immediately regretted not explaining the situation more tactfully. The hurt was obvious on Esme's face.

"She doesn't want to see anyone in this family," I continued in a softer tone, "She was only starting to trust me . . . before this happened."

I took a deep breath, stood and walked to the window next to the bed. "Now, I don't know. She may throw me out too when she wakes up." I turned around to face Esme before adding, "I will let her . . . if that is what she wants, but I will not let anyone else in until she asks to see them. I owe her at least that much."

Carlisle came in later to check on her. She was so still. I worried that she might be more seriously injured than previously thought. He reassured me again that the fact that she was resting was the body's way of healing itself.

Time had never moved as slowly as it did while I watched her sleep. Finally, eons later, she began to stir and opened her eyes. Seeing her beautiful brown eyes and hearing her croaking, hoarse voice was better than Christmas morning.

Leaving her so that Carlisle could check on her was more difficult than I expected. I trusted him to take good care of her, but I had to drag myself out of the room. It was as if I was a moon trapped in her gravitational pull.

I stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind me, dropping my head and inhaling deeply. I knew that I couldn't avoid facing Edward any longer.

I slowly walked down the stairs into the living room. Edward was seated on one of the sofas with his face in his hands. Alice was standing behind him with her hands on his shoulders, consoling him. She looked up as I walked in.

"How is she, Jazz?" she asked, taking two steps towards me and stopped, as Edward stood and advanced at vampire speed to stand a few feet in front of me.

"Who the hell do you think you are? You have no right to keep me out of that room. Bella is mine, Jasper. You need to remember that." Edward's nostrils flared, and he shook with barely controlled rage.

I looked at him and thought about sending some calm his way, but decided that would only prolong the inevitable. Instead, I tried, with only a limited amount of success, to calm myself before I responded.

"Who do I think I am? That's a good one, Edward. Let me tell you who I am, _brother__._" I spat the last word and turned to see Emmett and Rosalie standing off to one side, ready to jump in if necessary. "I am the one who was able to get to Bella before Victoria killed her. And where the fuck were you?"

"Now, guys, really," Emmett began cautiously, "I get the fact that you all are both suffering from testosterone poisoning, but I don't think Esme will appreciate it if the living room becomes collateral damage to your pissing contest." He looked back and forth between us, waiting for a response.

"Seriously, if you all are gonna throw down over the puny human, take it outside," Rosalie added with a slightly bored look on her face.

I turned and headed for the door. _They're right. Bella doesn't need to hear what you and I have to say to each other._

Edward followed me and responded, "And who died and made you Bella's keeper?"

Once outside, I turned to face him, ready for him to attack. "Nobody died, but some ignorant fool I know left her alone to stand up to a crazy, bitter, red-headed vampire looking for revenge."

Edward dropped his head and looked at the ground. Alice stood behind him with a pained look on her face. I waited and could feel as the deflation of Edward's anger was replaced with intense remorse.

"I don't understand why you did what you did, Edward," I began, forcing myself to sound calm. "I will never understand it. But it's done, and, now, you have to live with the consequences."

Edwards head snapped up at the last, but he said nothing.

"Bella has been through hell over the last few months, not to mention the last twenty-four hours, and, right now, she doesn't want to lay eyes on you."

Edward took several long strides toward me. "I can accept the fact that she doesn't want to see me. I don't like it, but I can accept it."

He closed the rest of the distance between us, stopping within inches of my face before adding. "What I cannot accept, will not accept, is that you are anywhere near her. You have damn near killed her twice now. You will stay the hell away from her." He punctuated each word of his last sentence with a poke to my chest.

I looked down and shook my head, then looked back up and said, "Edward, you just don't get it. Yes, I lunged at her on her birthday, and, yes, I took too much blood from her in clearing Victoria's venom, but _you_, the one who supposedly loves her more than anyone, are the one who damn near killed her by breaking her heart!"

"You need to stay the fuck away from her, Jasper. You have no control and will end up killing her. I won't let that happen," Edward said, growling through his teeth.

"_I_ have no control. That is what you think of me?" I shook my head in disbelief at the fact that he couldn't see the reality of the situation we found ourselves in. His prejudice against me, I could understand, but what concerned me most was his lack of insight into the danger that he put Bella in.

"I have news for you, Edward," I continued, as calmly as possible, choosing my words carefully. "I have more control right now than you do. You have been unable to control your emotions, good or bad, since you met Bella. I am surprised, in your misguided attempt to control her when you can't control yourself, that you haven't killed her.

"Regardless, the fact remains that she does not want to see you. Until that changes, I will take whatever steps I have to in order to ensure that her wishes are abided," I said as softly as I could and looked at him to make sure that he understood that I would not budge on this point.

To make sure that the point was driven home, I added, "And, frankly, you have no one but yourself to blame for any of this."

It took a few seconds for my words to sink in. Then, Edward turned and ran into the woods at lightning speed. Once he was out of sight, I heard him wail in abject anguish.

Alice looked at me with daggers in her eyes. "Was that really necessary, Jazz? Isn't he suffering enough?"

I looked at her in disbelief. I couldn't believe that she was still defending Edward after everything that he had put Bella through.

"Well, he does have a point, Alice," Emmett interrupted. "Edward had to know that leaving would tear Bella to pieces. Plus, Jasper could have added the part where Mr. Shit-for-brains almost drained Bella himself after James got his teeth into her, but he didn't."

Alice looked at him in disbelief. "What?" Emmett asked, shrugging his shoulders. "Jay coulda said so much worse. If Emoward wants to beat himself up over his fuck up, then so be it. I personally hope Bella strings him up by his balls when she gets out of that bed. Hell, I'll help her."

I burst into a spontaneous and inappropriate fit of laughter. "I'll help you, Em." I said and bumped my fist to his. Rosalie just shook her head in disbelief.

"I can't believe the two of you. He is your brother." Alice said in a huff.

Emmett walked calmly to stand in front of her, placing both hands on her shoulders. "Yes, Alice, and Bella is my sister. I thought that she was yours too."

Alice dropped her head and ran off in the direction Edward had gone.

I walked back to the house, giving Emmett's shoulder a squeeze as I passed. I got to Bella's room just as Carlisle was leaving.

"Everything okay?" he asked quietly.

"No," I replied, "Edward and I . . . had words, and he ran off into the woods. Alice went after him."

Carlisle nodded. "It will be up to you to take the lead on mending things with Edward. Edward is not one to hold out an olive branch, but you are. I know that I can count on you to do the right thing, son."

I looked at him blankly and nodded. "It will take some time for both of us to calm down, but I will try," I assured him. "How is Bella?"

"Surprisingly . . .feisty," he said, as if he couldn't believe that the word applied to her.

"Different, huh?" I asked, looking at the closed door.

"Different, but not unwelcome. Bella has always been strong. It is nice to see that she is standing up for herself.

"And now, I am going to make my wife's day by letting her know that Bella wants to see her. I bet that I will find her in the kitchen baking a special treat for our human daughter." He started to smile, but stopped and added, "We too have some repair work to do."

I nodded, as he squeezed my arm and went down the stairs. I opened the door to find Bella sitting up with a book in her hands, staring out the window. She turned to look at me, as she heard me enter. A smile started in her eyes and spread across the rest of her face.

"Hey, there," I said.

"Hey. You okay? It sounded a little crazy out there for a bit." She said, nodding her head towards the window.

I hadn't realized until then that Edward and I had been having our _conversation_, for lack of a better word, right outside Bella's window. "How much did you hear?"

"Not any of the words spoken—just the tone of your voices."

"It was not pretty, but it wasn't as ugly as it could have been," I said, walking to the bed and taking her hand. "Edward is upset. He wants to see you. You can't avoid him forever, darlin'"

"I know," she said, nodding. "But not yet. I want to get a little more strength back. Until then, he will just have to wait."

"As you wish . . ." I said with a smile and brushed a stray hair from her forehead.

******************

**E/N Next chapter: Alice and Bella chat. Hope you will stay tuned to check that out. Review please. Please… Please. Let me know what you think. Was Jasper too hard on Edward?**

**Two of my stories have been nominated for the Faithful Shipper Awards. My O/S Fast Car has been nominated in the Fluffy Fic category, and my O/S Bittersweet has been nominated in the Fic That Made You Cry category. **

**Two fics that I beta are also nominated. Paying Panance by teleskiingemt (great fic about Jane falling in love with a human) has been nominated in the AU category, and Angel in the Attic by closettwilighter1 (great fic about Edward meeting Bella as a baby) has been nominated in the Cute Meet category. **

**Please go vote (even if you don't vote for mine). Here is the link: .**

**Now for my next rec: I am reading a wonderful fic, Deep Dish by Starfish422. It is the sequel to my all time favorite slash fic, Over the Top. Even if you are not into slash, I suggest that you check these fics out. Starfish422 has crafted wonderful relationships between her characters. You probably need to read OTT before you take on DD. You can find them both here on Starfish422's profile: ****.net/u/1776950/starfish422**


	8. Hey, Soul Sister

**A/N Thank you to all of you who are supporting this story with your reads and reviews. You are amazing.**

**Closettwilighter1 is the best. She keeps me straight. Thanks, sweets.**

BPOV

I heard a knock on the door. Jasper was out with Carlisle hunting, so I wondered who it could be. I looked up from my book to see Emmett sticking his head in the door.

"Can I come in?" he asked sheepishly.

"Sure," I said, closing my book.

He stepped through the door and closed it behind him, but didn't come any further into the room. I looked at him and immediately thought of the saying, "You can take the man out of the mountains, but you can't take the mountain out of the man."

Emmett's massive size reminded me of a mountain, but, as he stood in the doorway, looking at his shuffling feet, he looked more like a six year old boy waiting outside of the principal's office.

"It's okay, Em, I won't bite," I said. His laughter boomed through the room like it had been shot from a cannon. I laughed as what I said hit me. "Oops, bad vampire pun. Sorry."

"I've missed you, Belly," he said, crossing the room with a familiar look on his face.

He stopped mid-stride when I held up my hand and warned, "Stop right there. No bear hugs. My ribs are too sore." I had to laugh at the shocked and disappointed look on his face. I grimaced with the pain my laughter caused. "Ow, that hurts."

"I'll just sit here and send you an air hug," he said sitting in the chair, waving his arms in the air in a ridiculous hugging motion.

It took every bit of restraint I had not to laugh again.

"I am so sorry that I left you," he said after sitting quietly for a few seconds. "I told 'em it was wrong, but …"

"It's okay, Emmett. I understand. If Rose was going, you were going. I get that. What I don't get is why you left without even saying 'goodbye?'" I was unable to hide the hurt and anger I felt.

He looked down at his hands and said, "The truth is I couldn't trust myself to say goodbye without embarrassing myself. I was afraid that I couldn't do it without turning into a puddle of vampire mush." He looked up and added, "In other words, I was a coward."

"No . . ." I began to say, but he shook his head to stop me.

"It's true. I was, but I promise you one thing, Bella. I will never walk away from you like that again. You are my sister, and I love you."

I felt tears welling in my eyes. "Thank you. I am gonna hold you to it."

We talked about trivial, light-hearted topics for a few minutes, but there was something that I wanted to know.

"How bad was it?" I asked softly.

Emmett stood up, walked to the window and looked down at the spot in the yard where Jasper and Edward had their confrontation.

"It was bad," he said, turning around to look at me. "Edward . . . well, Edward is messed up—even more so than usual—and he wants to sink his teeth into Jay. And Jay, he looks like he could rip Eddie's head off.

"But the one I am most worried about is Ali Cat. Something is not right with her, Bee. I haven't seen her bounce since we left Forks. I thought it was because she missed you, but now I am not so sure."

I squinted my eyes at him in concern. "What do you mean . . . Alice is not bouncing?"

"It's not just that she isn't bouncing. It's like she isn't there at all. She is just . . . blank." I could hear the worry in his voice. "I know you will talk to her when you are ready."

There was a knock on the door. Emmett opened the door and asked if Esme could come in.

"Yes, please let her in."

Emmett gave me a mock salute and left us alone to talk. Esme sat in the chair recently vacated by Emmett and squirmed uncomfortably. I thought about saying something to break the ice, but, instead, sat quietly and watched her struggle to find the words she wanted to say to me.

"Bella," she finally began, "I don't know what to say. There are no words to express how sorry I am for what I have done."

I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. I didn't want to cry, but there was no controlling it.

"You . . . said that you loved me," I sobbed, "but . . . you . . . left."

Esme moved to sit on the side of my bed. "Yes, I did, and it was the biggest mistake of my life. I know that there is nothing that I can do to erase it, but I will try to earn your trust back—if you will let me?"

I inhaled deeply, hoping to gain some control over the tears. Esme waited patiently for me to respond. "I am still very hurt. I am willing to work on re-building trust, but I honestly don't know if or when that will happen."

"That is more than I deserve, Bella. Thank you." She squeezed my hand and got a huge smile on her face. "I have a surprise for you. It's in the hall."

She stood up and held up one finger to me as she went right outside the door. She returned with a plate of delicious brownies.

***********

The next few weeks passed in a blur. I grew stronger each day, and, each day, I let go of more anger. I read a lot, stared out the window a lot, and talked with Jasper a lot. Jasper stayed with me every minute only leaving to hunt or when I was taking care of my hygiene needs. We talked a lot, but also spent time in comfortable silence, often reading or watching TV.

"Don't you need to go spend some time with Alice?" I asked. "You've barely seen her since we got here."

"No," he responded drily. "It would not be a good idea for us to talk right now. I am still working through some things." He took my hand and forced grin onto his face. "Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"No," I sputtered a little too quickly. The thought of him leaving caused an intense pain in my chest that I couldn't explain. I recovered quickly and added, "I enjoy your company."

"That's a good thing," he said with a wink, "'cause you are stuck with me."

I called Charlie daily from my cell to let him know that I was okay, and every day he wanted to know when I was coming home. Every day, I told him that I didn't know. He didn't know I was hurt, and that was the way I wanted it.

Needless to say that he was not happy about the situation was an understatement. He was hurt, more than angry. I really hated that part, but couldn't figure out a way around it.

The Cullens were wearing me down one by one. Obviously, I was never angry with Jasper, and Emmett had teased, cajoled and joked away what little anger and hurt I had felt over his leaving.

Carlisle was appropriately apologetic and never pushed me for forgiveness. His kind spirit and gentle ways made it difficult for me to hold a grudge. The same was also true of Esme. Plus, she won me over with brownies. The hurt was still there and trust was seriously lacking, but it just took too much energy for me to stay mad for too long.

My feelings towards Rosalie were different from the rest of the Cullens, because I didn't feel betrayed by her actions. She and I had never really gotten along, so I didn't have the emotional investment with her that I had with the others.

That left Alice and Edward.

I was still pissed off—there was just no other way to put it—at Alice. I trusted her. She was my best friend and my sister all rolled into one. And, just because her emotionally retarded brother decided that he was going to end things with me, she left town without so much as a "kiss my ass".

The more I thought, the madder I got.

I had worked myself into a real fume-fest when Jasper came back from a hunt one afternoon. He walked in smiling, but rushed to my bedside with his brows furrowed in concern when saw my face.

"What? What's wrong? What happened? Why are you so angry?"

"Nothing happened. I was just thinking," I said, trying to calm.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked, grabbing my hand and running his thumb across the back in small circles.

"Well . . . I don't know if it is appropriate for me to discuss this particular problem with you," I answered. "It's Alice."

"Ahhh," he said, shaking his head. "I don't blame you for still being mad, darlin'. I am not real happy with her right now either."

"I think that it's time for me to talk to her. I have waited long enough."

"If you're sure…"

"No, not sure, but I don't want to put it off any longer."

It was a nice day for February in Washington, so I asked Jasper if I could meet with Alice outside. He prepared a lounge chair in the yard and came back to carry me down to the spot.

"Let me know if this hurts," he said, bending to pick me up, and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead.

His touch turned my limbs to jelly. I was confused by this realization, but attributed it to my overall weakened condition. As he lifted me and I wrapped my arms around his neck, I was struck again by how good he smelled. I fought the urge to bury my nose in his neck to get a better whiff of the scent of cloves his body exuded.

He stopped when he saw Alice, already standing next to the chair he had set out for me, and his body stiffened. He took a deep breath, then continued forward and placed me gently on the chair. Alice crossed her arms and turned her back to him in a childish huff.

"I'll leave you two alone to talk," he said to me, ignoring Alice's pouting. "I won't be far, Bella. Just say the word, and I will come and get ya."

He turned and walked away without saying anything to Alice. As he was walking away, Alice turned to watch him, the hurt plain on her face. She turned back to me, her face wiped clean of the pained look.

"Thank you for agreeing to see me," she began, moving to sit on the ground near my feet.

God, this was going to be hard. I was angry and hurt, but seeing the hurt on my best friend's face was painful.

"I am so sorry, Bella. I know that I hurt you, and, for that, I am truly sorry."

"I hear a 'but' there…" I said, not sure what was coming next.

"But . . . Edward . . . well . . ." she began, then stopped, dropping her head in her hands. When she looked up again, she said, "He was adamant, Bella. He was convinced that he was doing the best thing for you. He did it, because he loves you so much. I tried to tell him it was a mistake. He wouldn't listen. What was I supposed to do?"

"What were you supposed to do? You were supposed to tell that fucktard that he had no right to dictate to you what to do. You were supposed to tell him that you were not going to abandon your best friend," I said in barely controlled rage. "In other words, Alice, you were _supposed_ to tell him to go to hell."

"I couldn't, Bella. He was a wreck, and he needed me. I couldn't abandon him."

"What the hell? Am I missing something? I know he is your brother, but . . . I was your best friend—your sister. You couldn't abandon him, but you could abandon me? That . . . that is the most twisted logic I have ever heard."

"There is more to it than that. I can't tell you the rest. I would love to, but the visions do not turn out well when I picture telling you everything. Please know that I am keeping this a secret for everyone's safety, not because I want to."

"What am I supposed to say to that?" I asked in disbelief.

"I know. I can imagine how you feel, but, Bella, please know that I love you. I would do anything for you. I am trying to do the best I can. I don't expect you to forgive me. I hope that one day you can, but I know that it will not be anytime soon. And that breaks my heart."

To which, I snorted. It was not attractive, but I couldn't stop it. "Is that all you wanted to say?" I asked pointedly.

"Please take care of Jazz. I worry about him."

I so desperately wanted to ask what was going on with them Jasper reappeared, as if out of nowhere, before I could find the nerve to ask Alice what she meant by that.

"Laurent is here with news. Family meeting. Are you up to sitting in the living room for a bit? I know that your input would be welcome . . .by almost everyone there."

**********

**E/N What is up with Laurent being back? What news? What did you think of Alice? I personally want to pummel the pixie.**

**Here is a wonderful story for you all to check out. Dusk and Her Embrace by Anju34. It promises to be a story that you won't want to miss. You can find it in my faves.**

**Drop me a line and let me know what you think. Thanks so much! CLM**


	9. Soul Decision

A/N: I am so sorry that it was so long in between updates. Thank you so much for sticking with this story. One of the reasons that I am so long in updating is that I live in Middle Tennessee, and we have been in the middle of drying out from an epic flood. There is more about this in the E/N.

Disclaimer: SM owns all. No copyright infringement intended.

Thanks so much to closettwilighter1. She got this chapter back to me in record time. She is also a dear friend. Show her some love, and go check out her story, _Angel in the Attic._ You can find it in my faves.

Thanks to all of my buddies on Fanficaholics Anon-Where Obsession Never Sleeps. You all are wonderful. I love you all. If you are interested in joining our merry band of addicts, you can find us on FaceBook.

Here is the link: .?gid=124663085756

Now on with the story . . .

JPOV

I left Bella on a lounge chair in the back yard for her talk with Alice. Alice was acting strangely. She wouldn't look at me. She wouldn't talk to me. Not that I had tried all that hard to talk to her, because I hadn't. Still, something was definitely off.

I listened to their conversation from just inside the back door, ready to jump in if it became too much for Bella. I knew how emotionally draining this would be for her. She had waited until she was stronger, but she was still weak from her injuries . . . and blood loss. Just thinking about it made me cringe.

I heard Alice's explanation for leaving Bella and heard something strange in her voice, a restrained, yet wistful tone that I had never heard before. My Ali was always perky and bubbly. I could understand her sadness at Bella's anger with her, but something was amiss.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Esme opened the door to find Laurent standing on the porch.

"Laurent, please come in," Esme welcomed. "I understand that we have much to thank you for. I am so glad that you are here, so we can do so properly."

I walked from the back of the house to the living room to find Laurent being greeted warmly by Carlisle and Emmett.

"Yes, thank you so much for helping save Bella. We will never be able to repay your kindness, but please let us know if we can ever do anything for you," Carlisle said warmly.

I walked over to shake Laurent's hand. "I second that! Seriously, if you ever need anything . . . you name it . . . you got it," I added, hoping that he understood the sincerity behind my words.

"No, no. You do not owe me anything. I owe you," Laurent began adamantly. "All of you. My encounter with you, the information that you shared with me about your vegetarian diet, seeing you interact with Bella—all of this has changed my life—profoundly.

"You have given me the greatest gift of all. You have reminded me of my humanity. I will be eternally grateful."

The unmistakable look of compassion in his eyes reached right to my heart. I felt guilty for ever doubting him.

"Please come in and sit down," Esme said, ever the gracious hostess.

"Thank you," he said, walking in and sitting on the couch across the room. "I have news that I know you will want to hear. It involves Victoria."

A growl escaped from deep within my chest at the sound of her name. Carlisle was at my side in an instant, as I realized that my anger and hatred was spreading to everyone in the room. Carlisle placed his hand reassuringly on my shoulder, giving me the strength I needed to rein in my emotions. As an added boost, I sent a wave of calm and relief into the room.

"Why don't you give us a minute to gather the rest of the family? I am sure that what you have to say is of interest to everyone here," Carlisle said, holding up his hand to Laurent, then turned to me. "Jasper, will you please go get Bella and Alice."

I nodded and went to the back yard.

As I walked out the door, I once again focused my attention on the conversation between Alice and Bella.

"I can imagine how you feel, but, Bella, please know that I love you." I heard Alice say with a restrained, but pronounced pain in her voice. "I would do anything for you. I am trying to do the best I can," she continued. "I don't expect you to forgive me. I hope that one day you can, but I know that it will not be anytime soon. And that breaks my heart."

It broke my heart to hear Alice so sad, but she had brought it on herself. She was facing the consequences of siding with her brother and abandoning her best friend and sister.

My thoughts were interrupted when Bella let out an indignant snort that dripped with disbelief at Alice's sincerity. I almost laughed, but managed to stop any sound from escaping.

_So, my little spitfire is not going to forgive and forget so easily_, I said, internally chuckling to myself, before I realized what I was doing.

_Damn, what am I thinking? My little spitfire?_ I quickly shut down that train of thought and prayed that Edward was not paying attention to my thoughts at that moment.

"Is that all you wanted to say?" Bella asked, not bothering to hide her disdain for Alice's explanation.

Alice looked at her hands, then up at Bella. "Please take care of Jazz. I worry about him."

_She wants Bella to take care of me? Is she just quitting on us? What the fuck is going on?_

Getting the answers to those questions would have to wait.

"Laurent is here with news. Family meeting," I said to both women, then directed the next question to Bella. "Are you up to sitting in the living room for a bit? I know that your input would be welcome . . .by almost everyone there."

Bella nodded, and I scooped her into my arms to carry her back in the house.

"Just what is that supposed to mean, Jazz? You know that Edward has only ever tried to protect Bella. His actions may have been misguided, but he has always wanted to know what she thinks," Alice spat at me.

"We can discuss this later. Right now, we need to go see what information our guest has for us."

"I'm right here, guys. I can hear everything you are saying. Now, let's go in. I want to thank Laurent for helping save me from that vamp-whore."

I laughed out loud while Alice stood there with her mouth agape.

"Yes, ma'am," I said facetiously.

Alice walked ahead of us in a huff. As soon as she passed, I placed a soft kiss on the top of Bella's head, and she leaned into me, her body relaxing considerably.

We walked into the living room to find the rest of the family already gathered. Edward glared at me, but said nothing. I bent to set Bella on the chair and ottoman near the fireplace, but her grip on me tightened. I turned to look at her and found her eyes were wide with fear.

Instead, I turned and sat with her on my lap. She exhaled audibly and shifted to find a more comfortable position. Her wiggling on my lap awakened a sensation in my groin that I quickly subdued and turned my thoughts to the task at hand—finding out what Victoria was up to.

I looked up to see Edward with his back against the wall, nostrils flared, and Alice with her hand on his chest, talking softly to him. He was barely containing his anger. I sent a wave of calm focused on him. His body appeared relaxed, but I could sense that he was still harboring a mountain of anger and resentment towards me.

"Bella, dear, I am so glad to see that you are on the mend," Laurent said sincerely.

"Thank you and thank you for all that you did to help—from warning me to helping Jasper. And now you are here with information. I am so grateful."

"It was my pleasure, Bella. I do have important information though. Quick action is required, I'm afraid."

"Please continue," I said, leaning forward slightly.

"Yesterday, I ran into a mutual friend of Victoria and me. He said that he had been in the mountains of Chile the week before and ran into Victoria and several of her newborn friends. He said that she appeared to be getting ready for battle, training the newborns in fighting techniques."

Bella gasped and began to tremble. "Shhhh," I said, trying to calm her. "We will find her before she finds us."

"That is exactly what I thought that you would want to do," Laurent jumped in enthusiastically.

"What are you thinking, Jay?" Emmett asked.

My mind was processing this information and the various possible ways to plan an attack while maintaining an effective defense.

"Well, I think that we need to send a scouting party to South America to see if we can locate her and get detailed information about these newborn friends of hers. I also think that we need at least four of us here to protect Bella."

I looked at Carlisle, who nodded his head, knowing what was coming next.

"Well, who is gonna go and who is gonna stay?" Emmett asked, bouncing up and down like a kid at Christmas.

I tried to choose my words carefully, but doubted that there was any way to avoid Edward's eruption over my plan of action.

"The purpose of the scouting party will be to gather as much information as possible. If possible, I don't think that the scouting party should attack or otherwise engage Victoria or her minions. Therefore, I think that the most important people to be included in that group are Edward and Alice."

I waited for that information to sink in and half-way expected Edward to leap over the coffee table at me and mentally prepared a plan for keeping Bella out of harm's way if he did.

Instead, he looked at me with a smirk and said, "I can see where our skills would be the most useful on a mission like this. I will agree to go . . . on one condition." He took one large step in my direction, eyeing the way Bella was draped across my lap. His voice sounded calm, but I could feel the anger boiling just beneath the surface.

"What condition?" I asked warily.

"If I go, you go. I am not leaving unless you leave with me."

I bit my tongue and focused my energy on controlling my anger and his.

"Jeez, Edward, jealous much?" Rosalie chided.

"Carlisle," Bella began, "what is do you think of the strategy of sending those three on a scouting mission?"

"I always defer to Jasper on matters of strategy. He has vast experience in this area from his time spent in fighting in the southern wars."

Bella looked quizzically at me. I leaned in and quickly said, "I'll tell you some other time."

"But it would make more sense to me if Jasper stayed here and Emmett or Rosalie went with Edward and Alice." Carlisle turned to Edward and appeared to be saying more in his mind for Edward alone to hear.

"Why is that, Carlisle?" Bella asked.

"If Alice and Edward are gone, we have no extra gifts to help us out if Victoria circles back and attacks while they are gone. Jasper's ability to manipulate emotions would be invaluable in a situation like that. I just don't want to give up another advantage that we have and put us at risk here."

"Fine." Edward stalked from the room, slamming the back door behind him.

I looked at Alice questioningly. She nodded, telling me that she could handle him.

"I want to go with them," Emmett said, bouncing again.

"If you go, I'm going," Rosalie added. "Of course, I may kill Sulkward there before it's over with. I'm not making any promises."

"Can we do without Rosalie here, Jasper?" Esme asked.

As I pondered that plan, Laurent interrupted, saying, "I would be happy to stay here to help out."

"Thank you," I said. "I seem to be saying that a lot lately."

"I told Tanya, Irina and Kate that I would call them if they were needed. They can be here by morning."

I nodded, and he got up to find a quiet spot to make the call.

I looked at Alice who was looking out the window leading to the backyard. "Ali, I need to meet with you all before you leave. Is he gonna be ok? I don't want him putting you or anyone else in danger."

"He'll make it, Jazz. Don't worry. We will all come home safely. I see that much. I am just not sure what happens after that." She turned and walked out the back door.

Emmett and Rosalie left to go to their room to pack, and Esme and Carlisle were busy planning where to put our guests. That left Bella and me alone in the living room.

"Does that mean that you are staying?" Bella asked, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.

"Yes, darlin', I'm staying."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and began to sob on my shoulder.

"Oh, thank God, I didn't want to get in the way of any plan that would keep everyone safe, but I didn't want you to go."

Her sobbing subsided quickly, and she looked up at me with a look of intense determination. "I need to talk to Edward before he leaves."

"Okay . . . if that is what you want," I said hesitantly.

"It is not what I want, but it is time."

E/N: Thanks so much for sticking with me. Real life has been kicking my butt lately. As I mentioned, I live in the Nashville area. There is an event going on now where fanfic lovers are coming together to give to the flood relief efforts in Nashville. Authors are needed to donate stories. You can receive a copy of these stories by presenting a copy of a receipt from a donation to one of several charities. Go here to find out more: .

Now for my rec for the week: You need to check out afragilelittlehuman's Pine Tar and Sweet Tea. In this story, Edward and Jacob coach opposing baseball teams in Alabama. They then discover that they have the hots for each other. One is out of the closet, and one is not. Here is the link: .net/s/5941215/1/Pine_Tar_and_Sweet_Tea

I hope you will check it out.


	10. Soul Divided

A/N Thanks so much to everyone's continued support and patience. Thanks so much to Closettwilighter1, the best beta in the whole, wide world. Please see the E/N for important info.

BPOV

I could no longer deny that my feelings for Jasper were more than purely platonic. The realization that I was falling in love with the man who had become my best friend and closest ally over the course of the last few weeks hit me like a ton of bricks.

_How did this happen? _my internal dialogue began._ When did my feelings change? How could I have let this happen? He is married for god's sake. You have got to get a grip. You cannot let him know. It will ruin your friendship. He is committed to Alice._

The build of the emotions may have been so slow that I didn't notice, but the intensity of emotion that accompanied the epiphany of their existence was not something I could ignore despite my valiant attempts at tucking those feelings back where they came from—buried deep inside my soul.

I needed a plan. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to devise one. I had to get myself together and speak with Edward before he left. I didn't want the silence between us to go on any longer, especially with him leaving for South America. I knew that what I had to say would be hard for him to hear, but I couldn't put it off any longer.

"Are you sure you want to do this, sweet Bella?" Jasper asked me again, looking at me with eyes filled with concern. "Your emotions are all over the place."

_If you only knew . . . ._

I looked away to hide the tears threatening to spill. Taking a deep, soothing breath, I turned back to look at the face of the man for whom my feelings were undeniable and gently placed my hand on his cheek.

"I am sure that I can handle this. I would tell you if I couldn't. I need you to take me to him now, please."

My voice sounded more confident than I felt. I was glad that I was still in his arms. They provided me with immeasurable strength. I didn't know how I would have made it through the last two months without his devotion and support.

_If only . . . . Stop it, Bella!_

Jasper carried me to the back yard where Edward and Alice were huddled under a tree.

"Alice is telling him that you want to speak with him," Jasper said through gritted teeth.

"It will be fine . . . really."

Edward and Alice turned and saw us walking towards them. Edward jumped up and was standing in front of us before my eyes could focus on his moving form.

"Bella . . ." Edward said, gulping in excitement.

"Edward," I said, more curtly than I had intended. Then, I felt a wave of calm wash over me and looked at Jasper and mouthed my thanks. "I would like to speak with Edward in private. By that, I mean that I would like for him to carry me out of earshot from the house . . ."

Jasper's grip on me tightened. "I don't know if that is such a good idea," he said, his eyes locked in a stare with Edward's.

"Jasper, stay the hell out of this!" Edward bellowed, taking a step forward.

Jasper held up his hand to stop Edward, then looked at me and said, "Bella, if you go far enough away from the house for me or anyone else not to hear, then you will . . . be vulnerable . . . to attack." His voice was dripping with concern.

I turned to Alice. "Do you see any harm coming to me or Edward if we go a few miles away?"

Alice looked from Jasper to Edward. Turning to me, she said, "No, you will both be fine . . . physically."

"Thank you. Jasper, please hand me to Edward, then give us some privacy. I don't want what I have to say to be fodder for any family discussions."

Jasper simply nodded, gently placed me in Edward's arms and walked away, shoulders slumped and head down.

"Alice," I began, "I would appreciate it if you could keep anything you see concerning the conversation that Edward and I are about to have to yourself."

"You have my word, Bella."

I bit back a retort detailing just how little her word was worth to me. "Thank you," I said instead.

Alice gave Edward's arm a squeeze and walked towards the house.

"Where would you like to go?" Edward asked sounding more unsure of himself than I had ever heard.

"I don't care, just far enough away that we can talk privately," I said, staring at a tree in the distance.

Several seconds passed before he finally started walking at human pace into the forest. Over the next several minutes, he slowly increased his speed, causing the wind to whip in my hair. It was exhilarating after my weeks of being cooped up in the house.

"Here," he said, placing me gently on a flat rock which served nicely as a bench.

He said nothing more, but waited patiently for me to begin.

"I don't know how to do this, Edward. I guess that is why I put it off for so long. I don't know how to talk to you—after all that we have been and all that I hoped that we would be."

"I am so sorry, Bella," he said before I could continue, looking at me intently. "I decided that you would be safer without us in your life. You were in constant danger with us around, but I see now that I should never have left you. I should have realized that you wouldn't be safe there alone. I don't know how I could have been so stupid."

I had fully intended to be firm, but kind to Edward during the conversation. Any hope of that happening flew right out the window as soon as he opened his mouth. His words, though I had no doubt they were meant kindly, angered me. I snorted in revulsion.

"Let me get this straight, Edward. . . .You leave me after professing your undying love to me, effectively taking my heart out and stomping on it," I continued, waving my arms around like a mad woman. "You force your family—all of whom I loved as my own—to leave, as well, without a word to me. And you are apologizing for leaving me unprotected?

"Do you realize what you put me through? What I put Charlie through?" I asked, the old panic over hurting Charlie returning. "I was damn near committed to a mental hospital, Edward. You left me. You said that you loved me, yet you just walked away. Vanished.

"You broke my heart."

I stopped to catch my breath and looked at Edward's face. He was dumbfounded. He looked crushed.

"I am sorry, Edward. I didn't mean to lose my temper. It's just that . . . I have been angry for a long time. Believe it or not it is better than it was." I looked at him with a raised eyebrow, indicating the sarcasm I intended. "Instead of yelling at you for leaving me, I really should thank you for it instead. You leaving me was actually the best thing for me."

"What . . . How could you think that after what happened?" he asked, the astonishment unmistakable in his voice.

"The incident with Victoria has nothing to do with my feelings about the situation as far as you are concerned," I responded, shifting slightly on the rock and searching for the right words to convey the impact that his leaving had on me after the initial pain wore off. "What your leaving did for me is open my eyes to see things more clearly. We did not love each other the way that two people who are meant to be together forever should.

"Your love was born out of concern and protectiveness, and my love for you was born out of gratitude that someone as intelligent, handsome, and special as you could want to love me. Neither is conducive to a healthy relationship. Your love for me lead you to be smothering and always trying to bend me to your will—so that you could do what was best for me. My love for you was idol worship, but I never thought that I was good enough for you." I paused to let weight of my revelation sink in. "I think that was in large part because you never took the time to accept me for who I am. You were always trying to tell me what I did and did not want. My feelings on the subject—any subject- were irrelevant.

"I never would have had the clarity that comes with distance to see these things if you hadn't left. So . . . thank you."

Edward looked like someone had killed his puppy, a look of immense anguish frozen on his face. He remained unblinkingly still for what seemed like hours, but was probably mere minutes.

Finally, he spoke, so softly that I could barely hear him, asking, "This is what you think of me . . . of us?"

It hurt me to hurt him, but I knew that I had to be honest. It was the only hope I had for us to ever move past this pain and awkwardness and on with our lives. I loved his family and wanted to remain a part of their lives.

I looked up and steeled my resolve. "Yes, it is," I replied firmly, but kindly.

He turned away from me and began to pace back and forth in front of me. Every so often he would open his mouth to say something, then close it again. Finally, he stopped pacing and said, "I knew you were angry and hurt, but I hoped that you would forgive me. When you asked Jasper to suck the venom out, I thought that you had come to see things my way and realized that being a vampire is not as glamorous as you thought. Whatever your reason, I am glad that you have chosen to remain human. That is how it should be."

"Whoa, there, back up the truck. I decided to remain human, because we were no longer going to be together for eternity. Being with you was always my only motivation for wanting you to change me. Once it became clear to me that we were not right for one another, I no longer wanted to be changed.

"And as for the forgiveness . . . there is nothing to forgive, Edward. You are you and I am me. You did what you did because of who you are. You left me to protect me. You didn't stop to think that it would hurt me more than anything else ever could. You would do it again if you thought it was best for me. Even so, I know that you didn't mean to hurt me."

"Is there nothing I can do or say to change your mind?" he pleaded, looking up at me with his eyes as his head hung down with his chin almost on his chest.

"No, I am more certain about this than I have ever been about anything, Edward. You cannot change the essence of who you are," I responded, willing him to see the truth of my words.

"Have you forgiven my family for leaving you? They only did so, because I insisted. They all fought with me over it, especially Alice."

"I have forgiven them," I answered honestly, "but I am still working on letting go of the hurt that their leaving caused. Alice leaving hurt almost as much as you leaving did. It will take me a while, but I will get there."

"What about you and Jasper? The two of you seem awfully cozy," he said snidely.

"That is really none of your business, Edward." I said coldly.

"He is dangerous, Bella. He tried to kill you . . . ."

"No, Edward, you almost killed me. Jasper came to my rescue. If he didn't kill me when he was sucking out Victoria's vampire spit, I don't think he's going to. You just need to accept the fact that we are friends."

"Friends? That may be how you see it, but believe me, Jasper has a different perspective," he said, returning to his frantic pacing.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I said, trying to sound nonchalant. The thought that Jasper had even had a stray thought about me in anything other than friendship made my stomach do flips.

"It means that he has had . . . inappropriate thoughts about you. If you want to know more, you need to ask him. Just promise me you will be careful."

"I'll be careful. Doesn't mean I won't end up breaking my other leg with my lack of coordination. Please be careful on your trip. Regardless of the fact that I don't feel for you what I once did, I still care about you and always will."

"I will always love you, Bella."

"I hope that's not true, Edward. I hope you find happiness with someone else."

"Alice said I would. She just won't tell me how or with whom."

"She knew about this?"

"Yes, I just kept hoping that she was wrong, that I could force the outcome to change. I can see now it is impossible."

"What else did she see?"

"There's more, but she's not telling."

"Not telling? Who the hell does she. . .? I mean don't you think we have a right to know?" He nodded in response. "How has she been keeping you out of her head?"

"She has been translating all of the lyrics to Justin Bieber songs into Cantonese and from Cantonese into Swahili. The worst, though, is when she sings along with him on her iPod. It's driving me frickin' nuts."

He and I both laughed at that. I could only imagine how Justin Bieber would offend the musical sensibilities of an aficionado like Edward.

E/N: I am submitting a fic for the Fics for Nashville. You can read it if you donate to one of several charities helping flood victims in Middle Tennessee. You can find more information here:

www (dot) community (dot) livejournal (dot) com (slash) ficsfornash

Mine is a One Shot called Conflict of Interest with a Jasper and Edward pairing. It is my first attempt at slash. It is very mild in the citrus department though. I hope you will check it out and help some folks out in my hometown. Thanks so much.


	11. Soul Mate

**A/N: Thanks so much to my wonderful beta and friend, Closettwilighter1. You really need to go check out her story, Angel in the Attic. You can find it in my faves.**

**I don't own these characters, but sure wish I did. Jasper, if you're out there . . . will you marry me?**

JPOV

Walking away and leaving Bella in Edward's arms was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It felt like my guts were being sawed out with a dull knife.

_What kind of shit is he going to try and pull? What if she buys his lines? What if she still wants to be with him?_

_Why do you care so much? He is your brother, and you have a wife. Alice is your wife. Not Bella. If you don't stop this, then you will become just as jealous and overbearing as Edward._

_Jealous? What right do I have? I am married to Alice._

Alice and I definitely needed to have a long, hard talk to clear the air. I was still angry with her about her leaving Bella. I knew that she was hiding something from me—something from everyone, everyone except Edward.

The emotions that I read from her vacillated between fear, anger and desperation. She was so overwrought with these emotions she lacked her usual spark. Her spark was the thing that I loved most about her. The real Alice, not the one who had been around for the last few weeks, lit up a room when she walked in. She radiated energy and joy.

Yes, she could annoy the hell out of the most patient person on the earth, but there was not an ounce of cruelty in her. I needed to put aside my anger and check on her. She was obviously not herself. I was worried. I didn't want her to go to South America without laying the foundation for working on our problems.

I looked up from my pacing to see Alice standing in front of me.

"Jazz?" she asked softly. I opened my arms. She ran into them and buried her head in my chest. "I'll miss you while I'm gone. You just got back, and we haven't even really talked. Now, I am going away."

"I know, baby doll. We'll talk. I want you to be super careful. Victoria wouldn't hesitate to dismember you and roast marshmallows over your ashes."

"I will," she said, not lifting her head to look at me, but nuzzling her nose against my sternum.

"No matter what, Ali, you have to come home. We have had our problems lately, but we will work it out. We always do. Come home, and we'll talk things out."

She looked up at me, her eyes glistening with unshed tears born from immense pain. I leaned in and kissed her slowly and deeply, my tongue sweeping across her lips. My only thought was easing her pain. She leaned into me, hiding her face in my chest again.

"What is it, Ali? What has you so upset? What can I do?"

"Nothing," she said in a tone barely above a whisper. "There's nothing you or I or anyone else can do." She finished in a sob.

"I don't understand. What the hell is going on—what did you see?" I asked, lifting her chin to see her eyes.

"What I saw is not important to the task at hand," she replied, her mask of disinterest sliding back down over her face. "I will tell you everything once Victoria is no longer a problem. I promise."

"I don't like secrets. Secrets are toxic. We have always trusted each other. Why are you keeping this from me? Why now?" I asked, desperate for the information that she was withholding.

"I do trust you, Jazz. But trust is a two way street, and you're going to have to trust me on this one. I can't . . . _can_ _not_ . . . tell you right now."

"Will you and Edward be safe during the trip?" I pressed.

"Yes, as far as I can tell."

I nodded and squeezed her tightly in my arms. "I'll let it go . . . for now, because I do trust you. When you get back, I am gonna want some answers."

She reached up and pulled my head down and kissed me softly on the lips. The kiss was filled with sadness. It felt like she was saying goodbye, which only served to increase my concerns about the trip.

She let go, and I slipped my arm around her shoulder as we turned back to the house. When we walked into the living room, Emmett and Rosalie were coming down the stairs with suitcases in hand. They placed them next to Alice and Edward's pile of bags near the front door.

I heard Bella's laugh as she and Edward approached the house. I looked at Alice who shrugged her shoulders indicating that she had no idea why they were laughing. I walked to the door to meet them, but they had stopped short of the house.

"Please stay safe. Come home soon," Bella said, hugging his neck tightly.

"You worry too much. We will all be fine," he replied, his wistful tone belying the lightness of his words.

Jealousy burned through me. _How could she forgive him so easily? It looks like they are a happy couple again. What the hell?_

"Emmett McCarty, put the beach ball, float and goggles back. You will not need them on this trip," Rosalie bellowed, obviously frustrated. "We aren't going on vacation. We have work to do. Alice, will you please tell him."

Alice burst out laughing when she turned around to see Emmett in his Hawaiian-print bathing suit with a green inflatable ring around his waist, holding a beach ball and swim goggles. The sound of her laughter was beautiful, akin to the pealing of bells at the church near my home when I was young, and lightened my heavy heart.

"What the . . . ?" Edward asked, gaping at the sight of Emmett in front of him as he set Bella half-standing, half-sitting on the arm of the sofa.

Bella joined Alice in raucous laughter. Rosalie, who had been scowling, was sucked into the laughter as well.

"Alright. If I have to," Emmett said, pouting as he turned to go back up the stairs. "You guys are no fun. We're going to be flying into Rio after all. I just wanted to spend some time at the beach. Is that too much to ask?" He stomped up the stairs as he was ranting.

I joined everyone in laughing as he left. A few minutes later, Emmett had changed and returned to the living room.

I walked over to where Alice, Emmett, Rosalie and Edward stood, ready to leave. "Remember," I began, looking at Emmett, "this is just a scouting mission. Do not try to take on Victoria or any of the newborns if you don't have to. Get as much information as you can, then come back so we can figure out the next steps."

"Got it," said Rosalie and Alice in unison.

"We won't fail," Edward said, placing his hand on my upper arm and giving a squeeze. "Please make sure she stays safe." He said the last so quietly that I was sure Bella didn't hear. I nodded slightly.

"Please do the same for me," I said just as quietly. He nodded his assent. "You be careful, too, brother. I may still be angry as hell with you, but that doesn't mean that you aren't my brother."

He responded by nodding vigorously and squeezing my arm again.

"Please, all of you, be careful," Bella said with tears glistening in the corner of her eyes.

Edward left my side to stand in front of Bella. He reached up and cupped her cheek. "I'm not giving up. We'll talk more when I get back."

"Please , Edward . . . just be safe."

"We'll see you when we get back. I will try to find some shells for you on the beach in Rio," Emmett said enthusiastically.

"Get in the car, nimrod. How many times do we have to go over this? No stops at the beach this time," Rosalie said, whacking him in the back of the head. "Bye, everyone. See you when we get back." With that, Rose unceremoniously walked out the door with Emmett in tow.

Edward followed Rose and Emmett, hugging Esme on his way out the door. Alice hung back, standing in front of Bella.

"Remember what I asked of you?" she asked. Bella nodded. "Thanks. I know he is in good hands."

"Take care of yourself, Alice. I would like to find a way past all this mess when you get back. I miss you," Bella said, reaching out to hug a stunned Alice, who hugs her back tightly.

Alice joined the others in the car, and they were gone.

I walked back in the house from watching them drive off. Bella was still on the edge of the couch. She was deep in thought, worry pouring off of her, her bottom lip between her teeth.

"Would you like to go back to your room?" I asked.

"No, thanks, not yet. I'm too keyed up."

"A penny for your thoughts."

"I'm just worried," she said, looking up at me. "What if they run into a horde of newborns? Newborns are super strong, right?"

"They will be fine, Bella. Yes, newborns are super strong, but Edward will hear their thoughts and Alice will see what they are going to do before they do it. All of them, Rosalie and Alice included, have been trained to handle themselves in any situation. I'm not worried. Do you honestly think that I would let any of them, Alice especially, go if I were concerned about their safety?"

An immediate rush of pain washed over me, emanating from Bella. She quelled it quickly and said, "No, of course not. You wouldn't risk any of your family, and Alice is your wife—your soul mate." She spat the last.

I was confused. She just told Alice that she missed her and hoped that they could work through their problems when she got back. Her concern for Alice's safety was no less than her concern for the others. Of that I was sure. Why then was she back to spewing venom at the mention of Alice's name?

"I'm tired now," she said abruptly. "Would you mind taking me to my room? I think I need to lie down."

"It would be my pleasure, sweet Bella."

I scooped her into my arms and started up the stairs. She relaxed both visibly and emotionally as soon as she was in my arms, but didn't say anything more.

After I set her on the bed, I reached up and gently rubbed the crease on her forehead. "Edward will be fine, Bella. He'll come home to you."

Fire shot through her brown eyes in a flash, and she jerked away from me. "Is that what you think I want?" she asked pointedly. I nodded sheepishly in response. "Then you are as dense as he is Mr. Whitlock."

"But . . . you . . . he . . ." I stuttered, trying to figure out what I had said that set her off.

"I told him that it was over, Jasper—that I couldn't go back to the way things were. That he had actually done me a favor by leaving, because it made me realize how incompatible we were," she said, raising an eyebrow, daring me to say something- I just wasn't sure what.

"You did?" I asked in disbelief.

"Why are you so shocked? We had talked about this. You knew how I felt."

"Yes, you were clear about your feelings when we talked about it, but I felt very different feelings from you when you were going to talk to him and then your worry now is laced with tinges of love and a dash of lust." I said, thinking out loud and shaking my head to dispel the confusion.

When I looked up, she was staring at me with terror in her eyes. I looked back wanting desperately for her to explain.

She took a deep breath after several seconds of silence. "It's true. You did. I won't deny it, but Edward wasn't the object of those feelings," she said, taking in another breath before continuing. "You were."

**E/N: I just posted a new one-shot that is part of the Ficawesome Gift Exchange (FAGE). A bunch of fanfic-obsessed people have a wonderful support group on FB called FanficAholics Anon-Where Obsession Never Sleeps. We got together and wrote a bunch stories for each other based on prompts given by the recipient. **

**Mine is called It Takes a Village and is about the Cullens serving as foster parents for special needs children. Go check it out! Have a tissue handy. I've been told you'll need it.**

**Here is a link to the C2 with all the stories for FAGE: www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/community/FicAwesome_Gift_Exchange/81343/**


	12. Filet of Soul

**A/N: Thanks so much to the amazing closettwilighter1 for betaing for me. She rocks. I hope you had a nice visit with your sister, sweetie.**

**Please see the end notes for my latest recommendation. I am hoping you will check this story out and go vote!**

**Alas, Jasper and the other characters are not mine, but I wish they were.** Chapter 12

BPOV

When Jasper picked me up to carry me up the stairs, I felt relief wash over me. I was tired, and the emotions of the day were overwhelming. I sank into his arms and savored the smell of cloves. His cool skin was a balm to my weary muscles.

He set me gently on the bed and rubbed at my forehead. Then, out of nowhere, he said, "Edward will be fine, Bella. He'll come home to you."

Anger shot through me. "Is that what you think I want?" I demanded. He nodded, looking shocked that I would ask such a thing. I clearly needed to set the record straight. "Then you are as dense as he is Mr. Whitlock."

"But . . . you . . . he . . ." he stammered, looking even more confused.

"I told him that it was over, Jasper—that I couldn't go back to the way things were. That he had actually done me a favor by leaving, because it made me realize how incompatible we were," I said, shocked that he didn't know how I felt after the many times we had discussed the topic.

"You did?" he asked in disbelief.

"Why are you so shocked? We talked about this. You knew how I felt."

"Yes, you were clear about your feelings when we talked about it, but I felt very different feelings from you when you were going to talk to him and then your worry now is laced with tinges of love and a dash of lust," he said softly, shaking his head and looking at the floor.

_Oh shit! He knows! You've never been a chicken shit. Let's not start now. It'd be better to just get it out there. Then, we can deal with it and move on._

"It's true," I began, my voice shaking with fear. "You did. I won't deny it, but Edward wasn't the object of those feelings." I paused trying to bolster my waning courage. "You were." My voice squeaked on the last.

Jasper's mouth dropped, nearly hitting the floor. I let the meaning behind my words float in the air for a second, then blurted out, "Look, I don't expect anything from you in that way. I know that you are married to Alice. I don't want things to be uncomfortable between us." He still looked shocked at my admission, so my ramblings continued. "You're an empath though, so I have no way to hide it. I am working on keeping those feelings to myself."

He stared at me blankly for what seemed like an eternity. "Jasper, please . . . say something. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen," I said, crumbling into tears.

He rushed to scoop me back up in his arms and cradled me closely to him as I disintegrated into sobs.

"Shhhh, sweetpea, don't cry. I can't bear to see you cry." He held me tightly and rocked me gently until the sobbing subsided. "And don't you dare be sorry for loving me," he said with no harshness in his voice. "I love you, too, darlin', and I'm not sorry one bit."

"Huh?" I asked, wiping my nose on a tissue I grabbed from the bedside table. I was incapable of forming a complete thought at that moment.

"I love you, Bella. I'm not sure when it happened, but I do."

"You do?" I asked in absolute disbelief.

He nodded, pulling me back into his arms and resting his chin on the top of my head. "I do."

There was an unspoken 'but' that hung in the air, but I wanted to savor the moment of being in is arms, so I didn't press. We sat like that for several moments until he finally pushed me back so that he could look in my eyes.

"I love you, Bella, but I made a commitment to Alice." There was the 'but' I was dreading. "I am confused about how to handle my feelings for you and what they mean for Alice and me. I don't want to make any promises to you I can't keep. I need some time to process these new found feelings. What I do know is that you, my little sparrow, have managed to sneak into my window and capture a huge chunk of my heart."

My head had dropped as I stared furiously at my hands in my lap. Jasper placed two, cool fingers under my chin. When my eyes met his, he continued, "You are so beautiful and kind-hearted. I'm not surprised that I feel what I feel for you, but I'm a monster. How could you feel anything but disgust at the thought of loving me?"

I reached up and stroked his cheek. "You are not a monster. You are the kindest, most loving man I have ever met. Your soul is pure and gentle. You have the strength of a warrior, but it is tempered by your loyalty to those you love. So . . . no, Jasper Whitlock, you do not disgust me."

He turned his head and placed a gentle kiss on my palm. "Thank you for believing in me . . . even when I don't believe in myself."

"I'll always believe in you. That is why I know that you will honor your commitment to Alice. You are an honorable man." I said, holding his eyes with my own, hoping that he understood that it was okay.

"I am not sure that I am honorable, Bella. If I were, then I wouldn't have the feelings for you that I do."

I felt a wave of intense love, protectiveness and lust radiating from him, mirroring my own.

"I just don't want things to be awkward for you or anyone else. I don't expect anything from you," I said, pulling back from his touch.

He looked at the floor, lost in thought, for several seconds. I could see the wheels of his vampire-mind turning round and round. He looked back up at me with a look of pain deeply piercing his eyes.

"I need some time to process all of this, Bella. I don't want to hurt you . . . . I don't want to hurt Alice either. I need to think. Your emotions are so fragile right now. You just ended a relationship that you thought would last for all eternity."

"Yeah, I need some time to process, too."

"I just hope that I haven't inadvertently projected my feelings onto you. Maybe we should spend some time apart," he said, rubbing his chin.

"If that is what you need . . ."

"I am not sure what I need right now. I do know that the thought of being away from you for an hour causes my pain—here," he said, pointing to his chest.

Tears sprung from the corners of my eyes and ran down my already-tear-stained face. I shook my head in agreement. The words I wanted to say were stuck on the lump in my throat.

Jasper wiped a tear from my cheek with his thumb, then raised his thumb to his mouth, licking it. He looked back at me with pure lust in his eyes.

"I. . ."

"You . . ."

We said at the same time.

"I need to go, Bella. If I don't, I'm afraid that you won't respect me, and I know I wouldn't be able to respect myself."

With that, he stood, kissed the top of my head and walked out the door.

I watched the door close and crumbled into a ball on my bed. I questioned the wisdom of being open and honest.

_What in the hell are we supposed to do now that it is out in open? What about Alice? Damn Victoria! If she weren't in the picture, I would call Charlie to come and get me._

As the sobs wracked my body, I heard a knock on the door. Esme stuck her head in the door. "May I come in?"

I nodded and wiped the tears away, but they kept coming.

"I heard you crying . . . . Is there anything I can do?" she asked, walking to stand next to the bed.

I shook my head and gulped in an unsteady breath.

"I'm guessing that this doesn't have anything to do with the conversation you had with Edward before he left. Well, actually," she continued sheepishly, "I heard everything that you and Jasper said. I didn't mean to listen, but . . ."

_Damn vampire hearing!_

"Bella dear, I just want you to know that I love you as my own daughter," she said, her voice full of emotion. "I won't be forced into choosing sides again. I am sorry I did before. Your happiness is just as important as any of the others'."

"Tha-a-anks," I stuttered.

"I don't know how this will work out, but I know it will. You will be happy. Edward will be happy, and so will Jasper and Alice. I'm just not sure what form that happiness will take."

"But . . .Alice and Jasper," I began, my voice croaking. "belong together."

"Maybe, maybe not. Things will work themselves out. Why must we assume that you came into our lives to be with Edward? Perhaps, you are here for other reasons."

Esme sat on the chair next to the bed and waited for me to catch my breath.

"Jasper has changed since he left us," she explained. "He is no longer the same man he was. You have had a lot to do with that . . . and I don't just mean the improvement in his control over his appetite," she continued.

"How is he different?" I asked, anxious for Esme's perspective on the changes in Jasper. She had known and loved him for sixty years.

"Jasper was always a part of this family, but his presence with us felt forced. It was like he was just here because of Alice. He wanted to fit in and feel a part of the family, but always felt separate.

"It was almost as if Alice was his connection to goodness, and, without her, he would slip back into the dark, evil killer he was before he met her. His time away from us allowed him to realize that he has good within in him. For the first time in his vampire existence, I think that he is able to look in the mirror and not feel shame."

"Are you sure you don't have Jasper's gift, Esme? You sure have a lot insight into his feelings."

"No, special gift there, dear—just a mother's love."

"How do you think that I have helped with the changes?" I asked, scooting towards her on the bed. "It seems to me that he has accomplished all of that on his own. He did a lot of soul searching while he was away—before I called him."

"You're human; yet, you believed in him when Alice didn't. You never questioned his ability to function in the world with humans. You always treated him as a person, or being, of value. You never looked at him as damaged goods.

"That has done more for him than any of us who have known him for decades were ever able to do for him. It has touched him deeply."

"But you all have believed in him and loved him. I didn't do anything special."

"Yes and no. Yes, we always loved Jasper, but we always took Alice's lead and treated him as a ticking time-bomb. We were always there, waiting for him to slip up. I see now how much harm that did. Another thing I have you to thank for."

Esme stood and walked to the window. "Ahh, Tanya and her sisters are here. I think that you will find that they are . . . interesting—free spirits. I know you are tired. You can meet them after you get some rest and collect yourself. Would you like me to bring you some tea and cookies?"

"No, thank you. I think I just need some time to think."

"I imagine you do. I'll be nearby. If you need me, just say my name, and I will be here in a flash." She winked at me and stood up.

As she left, closing the door behind her, I laid my head on the pillow and wondered whether the rest of the family would be as understanding about my feelings for Jasper.

**E/N: This week's recommendation is for MyEdiction's story written for the Me and Mr. McCarty Challenge called "Simple Man." I had the pleasure of interviewing the author and writing a review for the Fanficaholics Anon blog. Here's where you can find all of the info you need to read the review and story and vote for this wonderful piece in the contest:**

**Story: www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6032875/1/Simple_Man**

**Contest entries and voting (now thru June 29): www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2325547/Me_and_Mr_McCarty**

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**PLEASE GO VOTE! This story is awesome!**


	13. Soul Proprietor

A/N: Thanks so much to my readers for your patience. I love every one of you. Thanks also to closettwilighter, my beta and friend, for all that she does to help me, both with this fic and life in general. If you are not reading her story, Angel in the Attic, you are seriously missing out.

**OoOoO**

JPOV

I ran from the house like the hounds of hell were chasing me. Perhaps, they were. I ran as fast as I could until the whirring in my brain slowed to a dull roar. I stopped abruptly somewhere in western Canada, lying on the ground and staring at the brilliant light from the stars above.

To my left, I saw the golden eyes of the woman who saved my soul from darkness twinkling at me from the sky. I remembered the look in her eyes when I walked into the diner in Philadelphia all those years ago, glowing with the love she already felt for me. I remembered the dark glaze of lust that came over them when we made love the first time. I remembered the look of anguish in them just days before as she left to go to South America with Edward.

I clutched my fists to my eyes, trying to wipe that image from my fucking perfect memory, as the realization that I had put that look there. Alice knew. I wondered how long she had been dealing with the knowledge that I was going to fall in love with Bella.

_Why didn't you tell me, baby doll? _I asked the stars above. _Why didn't you trust me to share this burden with you? Why? Why? Why!_

Looking to the right, I saw warm, chocolate brown eyes staring back at me. I realized that Bella would never have kept anything from me. She trusted me to be able to handle the truth, no matter how bad it was.

I wondered if Alice ever would. Still, Alice had saved me from myself. She had given me a life worth living, a life of purpose. I had people who loved me and whom I loved.

_How can you ever repay someone for saving your soul from the depths of hell?_

I owed her my life. I never wanted to be the cause of such anguish in her eyes.

My mind zoomed back to Bella and the look of utter agony in Bella's eyes tonight. Her feelings mirrored mine. The love I felt from her was as all consuming as my own for her. It was unconditional and absolute.

Bella saw me with a clarity that Alice couldn't achieve despite her vampire-enhanced vision. Bella loved me without reservation, the good, the bad and the downright ugly. The absolute euphoria I felt when I was around Bella was unparalleled. When that was coupled with the peace that came with being able to be myself completely, I didn't know how I could live without being with her.

I was between the proverbial rock and hard place. I had to hurt one of the women I loved. There was no escaping it. One of the two was going to get hurt, and it was all on me. I was determined to deal with this as honorably as possible. I just had no idea what was the honorable thing to do.

My mind played out the various scenarios in my mind. One minute, I was choosing Alice, and Bella was stoically accepting, but crushed. The next minute, I chose Bella, and Alice was dejected, alone and drawn into a fetal position.

Neither of the options was one that I could live with.

The fact that either choice I made left a woman I loved wrecked like a ship on the rocks was further proof that I was a man condemned to a hellish existence.

_How could I ever think that I deserved happiness when everything, everyone I touched was tainted with the blackness of my sins?_

After mulling these options over for what seemed an eternity and arriving at no other conclusions, I picked myself up and headed for home, stopping to hunt along the way.

As I cleared the treeline and entered the yard near the house, I saw Carlisle standing there, waiting for me to return. I stopped in front of him, head down, waiting for his rebuke.

"I am glad you're home, son," he said earnestly.

I lifted my head and saw the concern in his eyes. "Was there a problem while I was gone?"

"No, no. Not that kind of problem," he replied. "I was just concerned that you went off alone and were obviously upset. . . . That and . . . I heard the conversation that you and Bella had before you left."

"Oh." _ Shit! What must he think of me? _

"I want you to know that we love you, Jasper, no matter what you decide to do about your feelings. Esme and I want you to stay with this family."

He looked as his feet, and we stood there enveloped in a long, uncomfortable silence.

"Jasper," he began, looking at me intently, "you need to make the decision that is best for you . . . without regard for what Esme and I think. You are our son. We will love you and support your decision regardless of what that choice is."

"But. . ." was all I could get out of my mouth before the sobs wracked my body, the emotional strain of everything finally spilling over. After several calming breaths, I was able continue, "What about Alice? I made promises to her. If I were a good man, I would keep them."

"Things are not always black and white. Life is full of shades of gray. The so-called 'right thing' isn't always clear. You have to decide which is going to make you happy. I can say one thing for certain: both Bella and Alice want nothing more than to see you happy."

"How can I possibly be happy when I love them both? How can I choose between the woman whom I have loved for more than sixty years and the woman who has seen me at my worst and loves me still?"

"I don't know how you make that choice. I certainly don't envy you having to make it, but I know this—you are a good man, Jasper. I know that one of them will be hurt, but it can't be helped. Be kind to them and make the decision quickly. Dragging this out will only hurt them both."

I looked into his eyes and nodded, acknowledging that he was right in his assessment of the situation. He closed the distance between us and hugged me tightly before saying, "Now, come and say hello to Tanya, Irina, and Kate."

We wandered silently back to the house and found Tanya and her sisters in the living room with Esme and Laurent.

"Well, here's the best looking Cullen man," Tanya said in jest, rising to hug me. "Sorry, Carlisle, but all of your boys are dreamy."

"Hello, Tanya. Nice to see you again. Thank you for coming. I hope that we are being overly cautious in asking you to come," I explained as I hugged her, then moved to greet Irina and Kate. "Irina, Kate, thank you both for coming. How have you been?"

"We are doing well. We wouldn't have missed the chance to help out family. Have you heard from Edward or Alice?" Kate asked after hugging me tightly.

"No, they just left a few hours ago. I am sure they will call when they have information," I responded, noticing that Irina and Laurent seemed to be unable to take their eyes off of one another.

"As Jasper said, we can't thank you enough for coming to help us during this difficult time. We need all the resources we can get to make sure that Bella stays safe," Carlisle added sincerely.

"So when do we get to meet this extraordinary human who has turned the Cullen clan on its ear?" Tanya asked with an amused gleam in her eyes.

"She's resting now," Esme chimed in. "I am sure that you will all meet her in the morning."

"Is there a good place to hunt nearby?" Irina asked. "I don't want to stray too far. I thought it would be best if we staggered our trips." She looked at Laurent expectantly.

"Deer are plentiful nearby. I have also seen a bear or two. I'll be happy to show you . . . if you like?" Laurent volunteered.

Irina nodded, and the two left through the back door.

"Laurent has told us much about Victoria and her mate, James. So would you care to explain to me why one of you has not changed Bella instead of leaving her vulnerable as a human?" Tanya asked pointedly. "She is family, right?"

Carlisle and Esme cleared their throats at the same time and turned to look at me, moving in unison.

"She is most definitely family, Tanya. The question of her being turned is a complicated one. She and Edward are no longer together as a couple, and she no longer wishes to be changed," I answered, choking slightly on the last words.

The realization that choosing Bella would mean that we would only have a short time together during the span of her human life. The thought saddened me as I realized that I wanted nothing more than to greet the sun with her every day for the rest of eternity.

"Well, that does create a liability. Will you change her if she is near death?" she inquired matter-of-factly, turning to look at Carlisle.

He looked at me, his eyes seeking the answer from me. I shook my head.

"No, we will not go against her wishes as much as losing her would pain us." Carlisle squeezed Esme's hand when she looked like she wanted to protest his statement.

The pain I felt poured into the room. Irina and Tanya grabbed their stomach as the wave hit them. I quickly replaced it with one of peace and contentment.

"Excuse me," I said, rising to leave the room, "I need to go check on some things and iron out some plans."

I felt, rather than saw, Tanya's eyes follow me from the room, accompanied by her knowing, "Hmmm." She was very perceptive. I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep my feelings for Bella a secret from our guest.

_Shit! I will talk to her tomorrow and ask her to give me the space to figure this out without saying anything to Alice. I don't want her to face their pity when she comes home._

I found myself unconsciously pausing outside Bella's door. Her breathing was soft and steady. She was asleep. I couldn't resist the urge to see her and turned the knob quietly to open the door, intending to quickly peek in.

I opened the door and saw her lying with her back to me. I stepped quietly over to the side of her bed and bent over so that I could see her face. The moon shone through the window highlighting the tear stains on her cheeks—tear stains put there by me.

As I was mentally kicking myself, she turned to face me, whispering, "Jasper." My name was followed by a moan. The sound went straight to my groin, making my cock twitch and grow hard.

_God, how I want to lose myself in this woman, bury myself in her, heart and soul._

Her hand reached out and grabbed my thigh, pulling me to her. My vampire strength was no match against her warm, sensual hands, and my knees buckled, hitting the bed. She stirred, and I feared she would awaken. I didn't want her to wake up; I wanted to feel the love and lust radiating from her body while she was deep in slumber, free from the guilt that tainted them when she was conscious.

She settled back into her pillow, her breathing calming again, but her grasp on my thigh didn't loosen.

"Mmmm . . . Jasper," she moaned with a smile lighting her face.

I knew that I should turn and leave, but couldn't find the strength to make my muscles move. My cock twitched again. The lust in the air was thick as I daydreamed of kissing my way down the valley between Bella's breasts, over her stomach, and licking my way down her sex and entering her with my tongue.

The scent of her arousal jolted me from my musings, and I looked down to see Bella rubbing her thighs together and moan again. I realized that I had projected my own lust onto Bella and needed desperately to pull the emotions back before we both found ourselves in a precarious position.

I used every bit of intestinal fortitude I could muster to send out a wave of detachment to subdue the rising passion in both of us. Bella's squirming slowed, and her breathing hitched, but calmed.

I reached down and gently removed her fingers from my thigh and placed a gentle kiss on her palm. "I love you, little sparrow. Sleep well," I whispered.

As I turned to leave the room and adjusted the aching bulge in my pants, I heard her say, "Don't go, Jasper." Her voice was thick with sleep. I looked back and saw that she was still fast asleep, but looked sad at the thought of being alone.

"As you wish, my darlin'," I whispered, sitting in the chair opposite the bed to watch her sleep and, somehow, quell my desire for her.

**oOoOo**

E/N: Reviews are love. Please let me know what you think. Next up: Bella's dream! More hot, Jasper/Bella almost-schmexing! Sorta!

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